Forsaking All Others
by Old Time Fan
Summary: Follow up to For Better or Worse. In this story, we find newlyweds Carmine and Shirley and Lenny and Laverne settling into married life. However, someone from Carmine's less-than-abstinate past threatens to blow it all apart.
1. Chapter 1

Forsaking All Others

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(Part 1 of 3. Category: Drama. © Old Time Fan. In this 'episode,' our couples are settling into married life. Most all is going well, until Carmine encounters a mysterious new student in his dance class.)

Carmine smiled to himself, his eyes still closed. He could feel Shirley's breath warming the back of his neck, her body pressed up against his as she slept. This was his favorite time of the day; the early morning hour before the alarm went off. The apartment was silent, except for the sound of his wife's regular breathing and the faint chirps and tweets of Little Dwayne, Shirley's pet canary, from the living room.

The alarm started to ring. Carmine sighed, reached over to the nightstand, and smacked the clock until it turned off.

Shirley wrapped her arms around him, snuggling against his back. "It can't be time already," she murmured. "We just went to bed."

"We went to bed eight hours ago," Carmine reminded her. "Of course, we didn't get to sleep until much, much later." He rolled over and pulled his wife against his chest, kissing the top of her head.

She grinned, opening her eyes halfway. "And whose fault is that, Mr. Ragusa?" she asked, slyly.

"Well, the first time was mine," he acknowledged. "However, as I recall, the second time was yours, Mrs. Ragusa."

"Mm, hm. And the third…?"

"I think we're both guilty for that one." Carmine kissed her rosebud lips, then whispered in her ear, "Care to go for round four?"

Shirley giggled, caressing his cheek. "You know I would," she said. "But if I'm late again, I'll be fired for sure."

Carmine sighed. "Yeah, I know. And we can't quite afford to live off what I make alone. Yet." He gave Shirley a little push. "Go. Go before I stop you from going."

Shirley stood up, yawning. She stretched, her thin, lacy nightgown clinging to her small frame.

Carmine groaned and turned away. "You're just torturing me now, aren't you?"

"What? I'm not doing anything," she replied, coyly. "I'm just…you know…getting my blood pumping." Shirley stretched again. "Ah, that feels better."

Carmine stood up, walked around the bed, and wrapped his arms around his wife. "You're certainly getting my blood pumping," he said with a mischievous grin.

Shirley pushed at his chest, playfully. "Down, boy! Don't you have a class to teach this morning?"

"Screw it," said Carmine. He started to kiss her neck, his hands sliding slowly down her back.

"Carmine," whispered Shirley, pressing closer to him in spite of herself. "We can't do this every morning."

"Yes we can," he murmured, between kisses. He cupped her face in his hands. "Every morning, every afternoon, every evening…that's what marriage is all about."

Shirley ran her hands over his chest and shoulders, her breath quickening. "That's not all it's about," she said.

Carmine paused. "Shirl…"

Shirley pressed her lips against his for a moment. "Carmine, we've been married for six months now," she said, stroking his face. "Don't you think it's about time…"

"…time to get to work. Yep, you're absolutely right!" Carmine hurried over to the closet and began tossing clothes out onto the bed. "After all, I've got six little tap dancers waiting for me and it would be awfully selfish of me to be late."

Shirley watched him jump into his clothes, her arms folded. "Carmine, when are we going to work on making our own little tap dancer?"

__

Oh no, Carmine thought. _Here we go again._

"Angel Face," he said, slowly. "You know I want to have a kid with you. More than one, even…well, maybe. But we aren't ready yet."

"You mean _you_ aren't ready yet." Shirley went over to her drawer and began pulling out undergarments.

"No, I mean we," said Carmine. "Come on, you know we can't afford a kid yet! I want you to be able to stay home and be a mommy when the time comes. Right now, that wouldn't be possible."

"I know," said Shirley, selecting a light dress from her side of the closet. "You've given me all the reasons, Carmine. We need more money. We need a bigger place. We need more time together as a couple. They're all good, logical reasons for waiting. Except for one thing."

"What's that, Shirl?"

"I want a baby!" Shirley cried, stamping her foot. "Now, not when I'm forty! Now!"

Carmine cringed a little. He sat down on the edge of the bed to put on his shoes. "Shirley, we don't have to wait that long," he said, carefully. "But, geeze, we haven't even celebrate our first anniversary yet. Can't we just wait a little longer until we start trying?"

Shirley heaved a sigh as she slipped her dress on over her head. "Well, it does take two Carmine, so I suppose we have to." She turned away from him and walked into their small bathroom.

Carmine heard her start to thoroughly and vigorously brush her teeth. He shook his head, then walked in behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. "Shirley, please don't be angry. I promise we'll start a family soon. Things are looking up, you know. I got my certification in physical therapy, and that's already paying off. Plus, with the extra I pick up from the dance classes and those occasional weekend singing gigs…we'll qualify for a mortgage in no time. Then, you can quit Bardwell's and maybe after we pay off the car…"

Shirley spat emphatically into the sink. "I know you're right," she said, a little sadly. "I know I shouldn't be in such a rush. It's just…" She trailed off, then turned to face her husband. "It's just that I love you so much and I want a baby with you." Shirley ran her fingertip over Carmine's chest. "Is that so wrong?"

"No, of course not," said Carmine, taking her hand and holding his over his heart. "I love you, too. But we have to be practical. You understand, don't you?"

"I guess I do," said Shirley, sounding defeated.

"Hey we can still practice making a baby, can't we?" asked Carmine, with a smile.

"Well," said Shirley with a little grin. "Practice does make perfect."

"Hey, Laverne, quit hoggin' the bathroom!" yelled Lenny, hopping from foot to foot.

"I'm sorry, Len," she called. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Yeah, right," Lenny muttered to himself. "I've heard that one before."

He eyed a potted plant in the corner of the bedroom. "I wonder if that would kill it," he considered.

Before the plant could be further endangered, Laverne finally exited the bathroom. She looked a little disheveled, her face a bit pale and drawn. "I think I'm coming down with somethin', Len," she said, swallowing hard. "Maybe it's that same flu bug Carmine had at his wedding."

"You should lie down," advised Lenny, still shifting around uncomfortably.

"I can't, Lenny. You know Bardwell's only gives us five sick days a year and I've already used two." She sat down on the edge of their bed, breathing slowly and deliberately.

"Hold on," said Lenny. He ducked into the bathroom for a few minutes.

Laverne smiled as she heard him say, "Ahhhh. That's better."

Lenny returned, looking much more comfortable. "Laverne, it don't matter if you got sick days or you don't got sick days," he reasoned. "If you're sick, you're sick and that's all."

"No, that ain't all, Len," said Laverne. She stood up gingerly, then held her arms out to him. "Come here and give me a hug, you big lug."

Lenny obliged. He held her tightly, as though afraid she was going to disappear if he let go for even a moment.

"Len, it's real sweet of you to say that, but we both know that if I get fired, we're in deep ca-ca," said Laverne. "You've been out of work for months now and your Disability's all run out. Until you can find something, we need my paycheck to keep a roof over our heads."

"Yeah, I know," said Lenny, sadly. "I'm lookin' real hard for a new job, but times are tough right now. There ain't much around for a guy like me."

"Have you asked Squiggy for help finding somethin'?" asked Laverne. "He seems to be earning money somehow."

"Oh, yeah, well. You know, Squig's the smart one," said Lenny. "He did all right with that talent agency thing for awhile and then he stumbled into somethin' else. I'm not sure what…he's been kind of close-mouthed about the whole thing."

"Yeah, I know." Laverne walked into the living room to pick up her purse. Lenny followed. "You know, that's pretty strange right there."

"What is?"

"Squiggy, not flappin' his lips to everyone about his latest money-making scheme. Makes me wonder what it is even more."

"Well, maybe I'll try and find out today," decided Lenny. "I'll ask him out for lunch and bug him until he tells me. That usually works."

"Sounds good, Len. Hopefully, it's somethin' that he'll let you in on, too."

"Yeah. Maybe."

Laverne picked up her handbag then walked over to her husband. She wrapped her arms around his waist, then reached up to kiss him.

Lenny obligingly lifted Laverne until she was eye to eye with him, then pressed his mouth over hers. They stayed that way until Laverne heard Shirley yell through their apartment door, "Laverne, come on! We're gonna be late!"

Lenny put Laverne back down, reluctantly. "You'd better go," he said. "But promise me you'll come right home if you start to feel really bad, no matter what!"

"I promise," said Laverne. "Don't worry, Len. Maybe I just need to eat somethin'. I'll grab a bagel on the way in." She gave her husband a loving smile. "Bye!"

Lenny watched as she disappeared out the front door. Then he flopped down on the sofa, picked up a newspaper, and began diligently combing through the Help Wanted section.

"No, girls, that's one, two, then one-two-three…yeah…no, not…right. Right, you've got it!"

__

No, they don't, Carmine added to himself, watching his class of eight and nine year old girls stumble through their tap routine. He tried not to chuckle as two of the girls spun around into each other.

"It's a left turn, Cathy, left…no, sweetie…the other left…there you go." Carmine shook his head, reminding himself that the first week with a new class was always the toughest. _By the end of six more_, he comforted himself, _I'll have six little Ginger Rogers. Well, maybe not Cathy…_

"Okay, girls, why don't we take five here. Go do…stuff. I'll see you back here at 9:25 and we'll finish up. Sound good?"

The girls looked at one another uncertainly. A couple nodded in his direction. Then, they scampered off to the restroom and water fountain.

All except one.

Carmine sat down and looked at a small calendar he kept in his pocket. Shirley had given it to him, to help him keep all his various jobs and appointments straight.

__

She's always looking out for me, Carmine thought, fondly. _Let's see, I have an appointment with Mr. Schwartz to work on that leg he hurt in the accident. Then, there's Mrs. Davis…_

His thoughts trailed off as he saw a shadow fall across the white page he was studying. Carmine looked up and saw a petite girl with dark blonde hair and wide, Dark brown eyes. She was staring at him with an odd expression on her face.

"Do you need something…" _Oh, what's her name again?_ Carmine ran over the roster of girls in his head until he came up with the right one. "Lucy, right?"

"Right." The girl continued to look at him, one hand tugging at a lock of her wavy hair.

Carmine waited. Finally, he said, "Um, is there something wrong?"

"No," Lucy replied. She shifted from one foot to the other. "Mr. Ragusa?"

"Yes?"

"I…nothing. Never mind." With that, she turned and walked quickly out into the hallway.

Carmine watched her go, a puzzled look on his face. "What was that about?" he asked himself.

For the rest of class, Carmine found himself paying a little more attention to Lucy than to his other students. He couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't quite right with the little girl.

After class, as the mothers arrived to pick up their daughters, Carmine noticed Lucy walking out of the studio alone. He followed her out to the curb.

"Hey, Lucy," he said. "Where's your mom?"

"Oh, she's not coming," said Lucy. She looked up and down the street, then pointed. "That's my ride now."

Carmine followed her finger and saw a long, black limousine coming up. He raised an eyebrow and said, "That's for you? Really?"

"Yeah. Mr. Cerrullo takes me everywhere."

"You know, Lucy, I was watching you today," said Carmine. "You're really graceful. Have you ever danced before?"

Lucy shrugged. "Just a little bit, at home. This is the first class I've ever taken." She looked up at him with hope in her eyes. "You really think I'm good?"

Carmine smiled and patted her on the top of the head. "You will be when I'm done with you," he said with a wink. "But you've got a lot of natural talent. Believe me, I've taught a lot of kids and I can tell."

"Thanks," she said, giving him a little smile. Then the limousine pulled up and her smile faded. "I've got to go, Mr. Ragusa. I'll see you Thursday, okay?"

"Okay," said Carmine. He watched as the blonde girl climbed into the back of the limo, then followed it with his eyes as it drove away.

__

Strange that a family with that kind of money is sending their kid for tap lessons in this part of town, Carmine mused. _Bel Aire, maybe, or Beverly Hills, but here? How'd they even know about this place?_

Carmine glanced at his watch, then shook his head and went around to the parking lot to get his car. Another hour, another job to get to. But, for the rest of the day, he couldn't stop thinking about little Lucy and her big limousine.

"Order whatever you want, Len. It's on me," said Squiggy, loftily.

"Yeah? Wow, thanks Squig. That's awfully big of you."

"Yeah, well, I'm an awfully big kinda guy."

"You do know that Pop doesn't charge me to eat here no more, right?"

The two longtime friends were sitting in the Pizza Bowl Too. Lenny had arranged to have lunch with Squiggy, so that he could keep his word to Laverne and find out if his buddy had any job leads.

__

Whatever Squig's doing, it must pay pretty good, Lenny thought, hopefully. Aloud, he said, "So, what you been up to lately?"

"Oh, you know. A little of this, a little of that," said Squiggy, waving his hand around casually.

"So which is payin' you so well? This or that?" asked Lenny.

Squiggy shifted a little in his chair. "Well, that's somethin' I should really keep private," he replied.

Lenny leaned across the table a little. "You ain't involved in nothin' dirty, are you?"

"I wish," said Squiggy. Then, he thought about it and added, "No, wait, you mean as in criminal?"

"Well, you are dressin' real nice and livin' real well all of the sudden," noted Lenny. "Usually, you can't wait to tell everyone what you're up to, but lately, you ain't sayin' a word. What gives?"

Squiggy looked around the restaurant, nervously. Then, he scooted his chair closer to Lenny's. "Okay, I'll tell ya, but you gotta promise to keep it between the two of us. Really promise, okay? It's important!"

Lenny whispered, "I promise." He pantomimed locking his mouth and tossing away an invisible key.

"Okay, then. It's like this." Squiggy took a deep breath. "I'm doin' some leg work for this broad, see? Private kind of work…trackin' down a guy what done her wrong."

"Wow," said Lenny, impressed. "You're like a private eye? Since when?"

"Since I answered this ad on the back of my favorite magazine, Spy Guys," said Squiggy, smugly. "They asked a few questions, I gave a few answers, mailed it in, and bam!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, laminated square.

Lenny looked at it and read, "Certified United States Private Investigator, Andrew Squikman." Lenny cocked his head to one side. "Um, is this real? They didn't even spell your name right."

"It's real, all right!" snapped Squiggy, sticking the license back in his pocket. "Anyway, I drew up a few flyers, stuck 'em up around town, and got me a client right off the bat! And, this gal's loaded, Len. Loaded! All I had to do is tell her where she could find this guy and pretty soon it's payday!"

"You mean, you ain't gotten paid yet?"

"Well, no," Squiggy admitted. "But I will! She probably wants to make sure he's the right guy first, that's all."

"You're sure spendin' like you've been paid," Lenny pointed out.

"It's money in the bag, Len. Money in the bag." Squiggy reassured him.

"Oh. Okay," said Lenny, not sounding convinced. "I know you're awfully good at figurin' stuff out, so I guess you found the right guy and soon you'll get your money. Congratulations."

"Thank you," said Squiggy. "So, how's by you? You workin' again?"

"Nah, not yet. I'm lookin', but, you know…not much out there."

"Well, why don't you do like I did?" asked Squiggy. "You can become a P.I. too!"

"Really? Naw, I don't think so."

"Sure, why not? We could go into business together!" Squiggy's eyes widened with excitement. "It'll be just like old times, Squigman and Kosnowski, together again. We could be Squignowski Investigations, Inc."

Lenny thought it over. "Wouldn't that have to be Squiknowski?" he asked.

"Har, har, very funny." Squiggy glanced at his watch, then jumped to his feet. "I gotta go. Today, I'm gonna follow this broad as a favor to her hubby. She's gonna go out to the beauty parlor for her once a week hairdressin' activities and…"

"Wait a minute," said Lenny. "Let me get this straight. This lady hires you to find some guy. You find him."

"Right."

"Except now, the lady's husband, who I assume is not the guy you tracked down…"

"Duh, Lenny, of course not! She knows where her husband lives."

"Yeah, okay. So the husband now wants you to tail the wife, even though the wife is your client…I'm confused."

"It's okay," said Squiggy, condescendingly. "This kind of work is very confusing to the uninitiated, like yourself. It's very simple - the broad had me track this guy. I told her where she could find 'em. Then, when she leaves the room, her rich hubby comes in and offers me some more buckaroos to keep an eye on his old lady. I guess he's worried that she's gonna hook up with the other guy or somethin'. So, it's double the payday for Squiggy, and…here's the best part." Squiggy leaned in closer and whispered, "I hardly done any work to get the answers, yet she thinks I'm some sort of genius!"

Lenny raised his eyebrows. "Really? It was that easy to track the not-the-husband guy down?"

"Piece of cake, Lenny my friend. Piece of yummy cake." Squiggy sat back in his chair and looked very self-satisfied.

"So, there's no…what do they call it on Dragnet…conflict of interests with you trailin' your own client?" asked Lenny.

Squiggy shrugged. "I ain't a cop, Len. So long as I get paid, I don't really care."

"Gee, that's…good? For you?"

"That's right," said Squiggy, with a sniff. "I gotta go, Len. Think about what I said about joinin' me, okay? 'Cause if all our cases are this easy, we'll both be rollin' in it in no time."

"'kay," promised Lenny. "I will." He watched his friend head out of the restaurant, then sat back in his chair, shaking his head.

__

So Squig's a private eye, thought Lenny. _Well, at least he's doing something. Not like me, begging for interviews, getting nowhere…maybe I ought to join him._

Lenny glanced at his watch, the brand new one Laverne had bought him for his last birthday. "Aw, geeze. I promised Laverne that I'd pick up her dry cleaning and they close in ten minutes! She's gonna have my head." He got up and walked out of the restaurant, but couldn't shake the feeling that what Squiggy was doing didn't sound entirely kosher.

Two weeks later, Carmine found himself teaching his six little tap students again. He worked with each one in turn, but his eyes kept wandering back to Lucy.

Every Tuesday and Thursday, it was the same. Lucy stared at him through the whole class, only turning to look at something else when he tried to return her gaze. Today, she was doing it again. It was getting to be very distracting.

Finally, he said, "Okay, girls, take ten. Except you, Lucy."

"Me?" she asked, her eyes widening. "What'd I do?"

"Nothing," he said. "I just need to talk to you for a minute, that's all."

"Well, okay, I guess," she said, looking very nervous.

Carmine waited until the other girls had left the room. Then, he walked over to Lucy and stood over her, arms crossed. "Lucy, you've been looking like you've wanted to say something to me since we met. Why don't you just say it and get it over with?"

"I…me? I don't have anything to tell you, Mr. Ragusa," she said, staring at her shoes.

Carmine put his hand under her chin and gently tilted her face up. "Is there something that's bothering you about class? Because you're doing very well, you know."

"Really? You mean it?" She gave him a look of such appreciation that Carmine was a little taken aback.

"Well, yeah. I mean, we've only had six classes so far, but you look like you're practicing…"

"Oh, I am, I am," she said, enthusiastically. "I want you to be proud of me!" Lucy beamed up at him for a moment, then quickly turned her face away.

"That's…nice." Carmine was confused. "Well, if it isn't class, then is it me? Am I doing something to make you uncomfortable?"

"Oh, no," Lucy said, shaking her head emphatically. "No, you've been really, really nice. It's just that, well…I don't know."

"I think you do," said Carmine. He crouched down until he was eye level with the little girl. "Go on, you can tell me. I won't be mad, no matter what."

"You promise?" asked Lucy, her eyes finally shifting back to his face.

"Yeah, of course." Carmine stared at her, really studying her features for the first time. _She looks like someone I used to know_, he realized. _But who…_

"I wanted to tell you…I mean, I thought you should know…" Lucy paused, then took a deep breath. "What it is, is that, well, you're my daddy."

Carmine continued to stare at her for another moment. Then two. Finally, he said, "What?"

Lucy shrugged, then gave him a small smile. "You're my father, Mr. Ragusa. My real one, not the guy mommy's married to now."

Carmine closed his eyes. He gave his head a hard shake. Then, he opened his eyes and repeated, "What?"

"I said…"

"I heard what you said!" Carmine sat down on the floor, a little harder than he had intended. "Lucy, that doesn't make any sense. How could I possible be your father? I never even met you until two weeks ago."

"No, but you met my mommy nine years ago," Lucy explained. "You and her used to go out a lot. Then, you broke up and made her sad." She frowned a little. "That's how come she didn't tell you about me. She was too sad and she didn't want you to know."

__

This can't be happening, Carmine thought. This kid's delusional. Still, he couldn't stop looking at her, trying to figure out who she resembled. Blonde hair, aristocratic features, big brown eyes…the eyes didn't match up, but the rest…

"Lucy, what's your mommy's name?" Carmine asked, softly.

"Same as mine," she replied. "Lucille. Lucille Martin, now. But when you knew her, she had a different last name."

"Lockwash?" asked Carmine, already knowing the answer. "Your mother is, I mean was, Lucille Lockwash?"

"Yep," said Lucy, nodding. "That's her."

Carmine winced, then buried his face in his hands. "This isn't happening," he muttered, shaking his head. "There is no way that this is happening."

He felt a small hand on the top of his head. Carmine peered up into the oh so familiar face and the brown eyes that, he finally realized, looked so much like his own, and couldn't say another word.

"It's okay," Lucy assured him. "Mommy told me that you'd be surprised."

"Sur…surprised?" asked Carmine. He let out a small, choked laugh. "Oh, yeah. I guess that's one word for it." He held out his hands and Lucy put hers in them. "Are you sure your mother told you that I'm your father? Me, Carmine Ragusa?"

"Yep. I'm sure," said Lucy, confidently. "She showed me an old picture of you and told me about you and everything. You're my daddy, all right."

"Lucy…I…I don't know what to say," he admitted. "I had no idea…why didn't she tell me?"

"I told you, you were already broken up and she didn't want you to know. Besides, she had lots more money than you, so she didn't need anything. Then, later on, she married Johnny and now he's my daddy."

"But…why now? I mean, you couldn't have tracked me down all by yourself," said Carmine. "Lucille must have told you where to find me, although how she even knew…last I saw her was back in Milwaukee."

Lucy sighed. "We moved out here a year ago when she married Johnny and she knew you had moved out here awhile before and so she looked you up or something and found out you were still teaching dance classes…and here I am."

"Yeah. Here you are." Carmine was stunned. He looked at the little girl, his supposed daughter, for another minute or two in silence.

She simply stood and smiled at him, her Dark brown eyes filled with affection.

"I need to talk to your mommy," Carmine finally said. "Do you think you could tell me where to find her?"

"Sure. She's at home. You want to come to our house after class today? Mr. Cerullo will give you a ride."

"He will, huh?" Carmine slowly rose to his feet. "You sure that would be okay?"

Lucy nodded. "Oh, yeah. Mommy told me that it was okay to tell you who I was now, and she told Mr. Cerullo that you'd probably want to come visit, so all you have to do is come out to the curb with me after class and we can go. Okay? Would you like that?"

Carmine managed a weak smile. "Yeah, Lucy. I'd like that. But first I have to call home.

"Okay!" said Lucy, happily. "I'll see you in a few minutes when class starts again, Mr. Ragusa."

Carmine watched her cheerfully go back across the room and start to practice her steps. Then, he turned and walked out into the hallway.

Once there, he stood next to one of the concrete walls and began methodically pounding his head against it, running the conversation he expected to have with Shirley in his head.

__

Guess who I saw today?

Who, Carmine, dear?

Oh, well, you remember the woman I used to two-time you with, who you hated? Yeah, well, she's the mother of my daughter. You don't mind, do you?

"What's that, Angel Face?" Carmine muttered to himself, aloud. "Oh, right. Pack my bags and get out of our apartment and never show my face again? No problem, I understand. Argh!" He stopped pounding his head, then turned around and slumped to the floor, his back pressed against the wall.

"She's gonna kill me. No, scratch that, she's gonna leave me. And that's a whole hell of a lot worse. I can't tell her this! There's no way I can tell her this!" He pressed his hands over his eyes. "But what else can I do? If I have a daughter…I have a daughter…oh, damn."

Defeated, Carmine stood up. He stared at the telephone in the hallway as though it were covered in spikes. Then, very slowly, he picked up the receiver and dropped a nickel in the slot.

"Yeah, hello? I need to speak to Shirley Ragusa, please." He drummed his fingers on the wall, waiting. "Oh, she's at…no, no don't get her. No message. I'll try later." He hung up.

"Shirl, I know I promised you no more secrets," Carmine whispered aloud. "But I should at least be sure before I torpedo our whole future."

Carmine taught the rest of his class as if in a daze. When it was time for the kids to go home he followed Lucy out to the curb and waited for her limo. As they stood there, she surreptitiously took his hand.

Carmine looked down at her, then gave her hand a little squeeze. She was so pretty, so sweet…no matter what, he had to remember none of this was her fault. He gave Lucy a smile of reassurance.

When the limousine pulled up the rather large driver, Mr. Cerullo, got out and came around to open the rear door. Carmine cleared his throat and said, "Um, I wanted…I mean, Lucy here told me…"

"It's all right, Mr. Ragusa," said the burly man, calmly. "Mrs. Martin told me to expect you. You can get in."

"Oh. Thanks," said Carmine, uncertainly. "Wait a minute…my car's here…"

"It's okay. I'll bring you back when you're finished." Mr. Cerullo stood patiently, his hand on the door.

Carmine nodded and got in behind Lucy. "Thanks."

For the next half-hour, Mr. Cerullo drove them through the streets of Burbank, then out toward greater Los Angeles. Carmine stared out the window, trying to come up with something to say to Lucille. He noticed the houses were getting much, much grander as they drove along.

Finally, they turned into a small, private road. It led to a large, wrought iron gate. Mr. Cerullo rolled down his window and said something to the equally massive men in black suits standing by the gate. They nodded, then pressed a button and the gates obediently opened.

As they continued down the long, winding driveway, Carmine muttered to himself, "I see Lucille's done all right for herself."

Lucy looked up at him. "Johnny's really rich," she confided. "That's what mommy likes best about him."

A little startled, Carmine said, "She actually _told_ you that?"

Lucy shrugged. "Pretty much. She tells me everything. She says we're a team, me and her."

"How sweet," said Carmine.

He looked out the window again. _This is all so surreal_, he thought, as a huge mansion came into view. It had at least three stories and was styled like an Italian villa, with stucco white walls and reddish tiles. The car pulled up in front of a marble porch, with steps leading up to an oversized set of carved iron double-doors. There were more large men in suits waiting in front.

One of them came over and opened the door of the limousine. "Right this way, Mr. Ragusa," one of them said, pointing toward the porch. "Mrs. Martin is anxious to see you."

"Yeah, I'll bet," Carmine muttered.

"Sir?" asked the security man, his brow knitting over his dark glasses.

Carmine looked up at him and managed an awkward smile. "I said, yeah, I'll bet she's looking forward to it as much as I am."

He walked up the stairs, little Lucy skipping along beside him. Confronted by the huge, iron doors, Carmine looked down at the little girl. "Do I knock or what?" he asked.

"Silly," she said, giving him a playful slap on the wrist. Then she put her hand on one of the large knobs and turned it, pushing the door open with all the strength in her little body.

"Yeah, I guess you don't need to lock the doors when you have those guys outside watching the house," Carmine realized, glancing around a little uneasily. He didn't like the looks of the large security men, and he certainly didn't like the bulges he could see underneath their suit jackets.

He stepped into the marble foyer and looked around, his eyes wide. Carmine had never laid eyes on a place this grand. The ceiling was huge and vaulted, like a museum, with a gigantic crystal chandelier that hung overhead. A set of wide, highly polished wooden steps led upstairs. To his right, Carmine saw an ornately furnished sitting room, filled with antiques. To the left, he saw what looked like a big open ballroom, with a large, oriental carpet in the center of the polished teak floor.

__

It looks like that Gone with the Wind place, Carmine thought. _Tara, right, that was it. Geeze, looks like Lucille landed herself an even bigger fish than Mr. Lockwash was._

"Carmine?"

He glanced back at the stairs. As soon as he saw her, Carmine recognized her face, her swishing gait…everything. It was like he'd stepped a decade into the past.

Lucille's long blonde hair was piled on top of her hair in a complicated fashion, held in place with ivory combs. Her makeup was flawless, as it always had been. She was still slender under her Gucci suit. One perfectly manicured hand grasped the banister as she descended, while the other was extended toward him.

Carmine swallowed. Hard. Then he smiled. "Uh, hiya, Lucille. What's…up?"

__

That was smooth, he scolded himself.

"You are looking well," said Lucille, with a smile that showcased her even, pearly white teeth. She reached the bottom of the steps, her hand still extended.

"Oh, right!" said Carmine. "Where are my manners?" He stuck out his right hand and took hers, giving it a brief shake. But, when he tried to pull his hand back, she tightened her fingers around it and wouldn't let it go.

"Very well," Lucille added. She let her dark blue eyes wander over him, head to toe, before wandering back to his face again.

For some reason, her gaze was making him feel dirty. "Um, Lucille? Your daughter, Lucy, here…" and he pointed at the little girl standing near them as though Lucille didn't know who she was. "She told me something today…"

"Our daughter, Carmine. Yours and mine." Lucille turned toward the sitting room, pulling Carmine behind her by the hand she was still holding. He followed her, obediently.

"Yeah, about that," said Carmine.

"Sit right here. Would you like a drink? Anthony, please get Mr. Ragusa anything he wants!" Lucille waved a hand at a butler Carmine saw standing in the middle of the sitting room.

__

I wonder if he just stands there all day, until someone comes in and asks for something? Carmine wondered. Aloud, he said, "Uh, no thanks, Anthony. I'm fine. Look Lucille…"

"I know this is a shock, Carmine," Lucille said, sitting down awfully close to him on the velvet, gold sofa. She finally released his hand. "I feel terrible for waiting all these years to tell you the truth. I hope you can forgive me?" She gazed into his eyes, all wide-eyed innocence.

Carmine looked away. "Well, geeze, Lucille. I mean…this is a lot to dump on a guy after nine years." Carmine glanced over his shoulder at Lucy, who was standing in the doorway watching them. He turned back to Lucille and whispered, "Should she be hearing this?"

"Oh, of course you're right," said Lucille. She looked over at Lucy. "Sweetheart, why don't you go play in the recreation room? Daddy and mommy have to discuss some things."

"Okay!" Lucy waved. "See you later…daddy!" Then, she was gone.

__

Whoa, this is all going way too fast, thought Carmine. _I've gone from Mr. Ragusa to daddy in the space of a few hours!_

"Lucille," he began, running a hand through his hair, nervously. "Are you…I mean, you certain that she…that I'm…"

"That's she's yours?" asked Lucille. She laughed, a little too loudly. "Of course I am, Carmine! After all, how many men do you think I was with back then?"

"Well…" said Carmine, rolling his eyes a little.

Lucille looked shocked. "Carmine, when we were together, there was only you! It's always only been you…" She trailed off, staring at him with an odd expression.

Carmine sat back a little further from her on the couch. "That's…wow. Really? But, Lucille, I mean, we were hardly going out! We just, you know, it was all just fun."

"Maybe for you," said Lucille, staring at the huge diamond on her left hand.

Carmine looked at it, too. _I got a baseball that size_, he realized.

"Lucille, why didn't you tell me back then that you were pregnant?" Carmine asked. "I mean, I don't know what I would have done, but I had a right to know!"

"I know you did," said Lucille, starting to choke up a little. "Look, Carmine, I knew you were never as serious about our relationship as I was. For you, it was all about the money, and the sex…"

__

Pretty much in that order, Carmine admitted to himself.

"But you always went back to that mousy little girl. What was her name?" Lucille tapped her chin, as if trying to remember. "Oh, right. Shirley Feenster…something or other."

"Feeney," said Carmine. He looked down at the gold band around his left ring finger. "Shirley Feeney."

"Right. The girl who managed to keep you so fascinated even though she had nothing to offer."

Carmine looked at Lucille. "Hey, Shirl had plenty to offer me."

"Oh?" Lucille laughed again. It was an unpleasant sound, not like Carmine remembered. "Such as endless nights of frustration? Poverty? A lack of commitment while she looked for her Mr. Right? You forget, Carmine, how much you used to share with me about that girl!"

Carmine stared at the floor, feeling ashamed. "Well, I was younger then. A lot younger and a lot dumber. I didn't know when to keep my mouth shut."

"You weren't stupid," said Lucille. She cupped his chin in her hand and made him look back at her. "You wanted so much more out of life than that little girl could or would offer you. You wanted what only I could give you. What I could still give you." She suddenly leaned closer to him.

Carmine pulled away from her and stood up. "Lucille, whoa…wait a minute here! I came here today because I wanted answers about Lucy…"

"Our daughter."

"Yeah, our daughter!" Carmine cried, smacking the coffee table with his hand. "I want to know why you kept her from me for nine years, _nine years_, Lucille! That's all I'm interested in!"

Lucille nodded. She folded her hands primly in her lap. "Then I'll make it simple, Carmine. You broke off our relationship when you went back to that Shirley creature. I soon discovered that I was with child. Your child. But I was angry, and hurt, and, well, I knew you wouldn't want to be a father to our baby. So I left town and never told you. It isn't like you had anything I needed, monetarily. And what I did need from you…you weren't willing to give back then."

Carmine shook his head. "You didn't even give me a chance," he said, his voice rising. "If I had known you had my baby, I would have been there for you, Lucille. I would have wanted to know my own kid!"

Lucille looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears. "Would you, Carmine? Would you really? Were you willing to marry me and raise our child together? Were you ready to give me your whole heart and soul, the way I had to you?"

"Wh…what?" Carmine sputtered. "Lucille, come on! I think you're rewritting our history just a little bit! We went out a few times, we had fun, but let's not make it more than it was! We were just…"

"…having fun?" she finished, standing up. Her alabaster hands tightened into fists. "Carmine, you have never understood the way a woman thinks, the way she _feels_! I loved you and you used me for money and sex, then walked away! So, don't you stand there and judge me for keeping Lucy from you! You wouldn't have wanted her, the way you didn't want her mother!"

Carmine stared back at Lucille as she started to cry. "I…where is this coming from?" he asked, stupefied. "Lucille, I remember talking to you and I remember our relationship and never, never once, did you tell me you loved me or wanted anything else from me besides a good time! After all, you were rich, you were beautiful, and you frankly used guys like me like disposable tissues. I didn't leave you for Shirley, for heaven's sakes. We were never together enough for me to leave you. You started seeing more guys, I decided to see only one girl…mostly…and we just drifted apart. You're making it all sound like so much more went on."

"I guess we just remember it differently," she sniffed.

"Maybe," Carmine admitted. He lowered his voice a bit and stepped closer to the sobbing woman. "Look, I'm sorry if I hurt you, but that really doesn't change the fact that you had my child and kept her from me. I never got to hold her as a baby, or see her take her first steps, or hear her call me daddy…"

"Until now," said Lucille, softly.

"Yeah. Until now." Carmine turned away, trying to swallow the lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat. _I missed so much_, he realized. _It matters to me that I missed so much of my little girl's life. This hurts. This really, really hurts._

Lucille put her hand on his shoulder, and said, "Carmine, I thought I was doing the right thing for both of us. But when I came out here with Johnny and remembered that you had moved out to California, too, I realized I couldn't keep the truth from you anymore. That's why I tracked you down. I had to tell you, so that I could give you the chance you never had before."

"What chance is that?" asked Carmine, trying to keep his voice steady.

"To know your child," said Lucille. "And to be with her mother."

Carmine turned back to Lucille, startled. "Um, excuse me?"

She smiled at him, her eyes filled with hope. "Johnny and I, we have a marriage of convenience. I'm his trophy wife, pretty at parties, decorative around the house. I'm tired of that life…I've lived it for too long with too many men. I want to be with someone I love, really love. I want to be with you."

Carmine held up his hands and backed away, slowly. "Hold on, right there," he said. "Lucille, look, I'm really glad that you're giving me the chance to know my daughter, even if it is a little late in the game. And I do intend to be a part of her life from now on. But as for you and me…that ain't gonna happen."

Lucille smiled at him. Carmine noticed her eyes were filled with a strange intensity, almost as though she was looking right through him. "Carmine, Lucy is meant to bring us back together, so we can be the family we were always meant to be. I know you want that, deep down inside. I'll take care of Johnny and you and I…"

"Lucille, I'm married, too," said Carmine. He held up his left hand and pointed to the ring.

She shrugged. "Get rid of her," she said, almost cheerfully. "You know she's nothing compared to me. Do you have children?"

"Well, no, not yet," said Carmine. He bumped against the wall, having backed away clear across the room. He stood, pressed against it, feeling very trapped.

Lucille crossed over to him, resting her hands against his shoulders, effectively pinning him in place. "Carmine, we can be together," she purred. "I'm rich, and I'll get a nice payout from Johnny. With all I know about his…business practices, shall we say…he won't have a choice. You can get a quick divorce and we'll have everything we ever wanted." She darted forward and pressed her lips against his.

Carmine's eyes widened, and he ducked down, sneaking out under Lucille's right arm. He backpedaled into the foyer, his hands raised as though to ward her off.

"No, Lucille," he said. "I'm married…happily married…and I intend to stay married. Period, finished, the end."

Lucille folded her arms, slowly. "Who is so important that you would throw away all the money, all the love, that I can offer?"

Carmine took a deep breath and said. "Shirley. I married Shirley."

Lucille studied his face. Carmine saw her eyes narrow, her face flushing as though with fever. Her hands balled into fists again and she took a menacing step forward.

"Shirley Feeney?" she hissed. "You _married_ that little brewery rat?"

"Hey, hey, watch what you say about her!" said Carmine, getting a little angry himself. "Yeah, Shirley Feeney, or Shirley Ragusa now. She's my wife and the woman I love, that I've always loved. You _knew_ that, Lucille…I told you way back when how much I cared about Shirl…"

"I don't remember that!" shouted Lucille. She was standing toe to toe with Carmine now. "All I remember is you running to be with me, asking me for money, begging me to sleep with you…"

"Hey, I didn't beg for that," Carmine corrected. "As I recall, it was you who did the begging. And as far as the money went, you told me you had lots of it. Geeze, you practically threw it at me so that I'd go out with you!"

"_Liar_!" Lucille screamed, her features contorting with rage. "You wanted me, you know you did! You told me you loved me!"

"I…I didn't," said Carmine, starting to get worried. _Boy, was Lucille always like this?_ He searched his memory. None of what she was describing was how he remembered it. The word love had never been mentioned, and yeah, he had taken some money that she offered, but still…

"Lucille, whatever cash you invested in me I eventually paid back, with interest as I remember. And I never led you on. I told you from the start that we were just having fun and you told me the same thing. Where is all this anger coming from?"

Lucille took a deep breath, then said in a low tone, "You owe me a lot more than money, Carmine Ragusa. You owe me a lifetime of affection and devotion. I had your daughter. No, more to the point, I _have_ your daughter. Hm," she said, suddenly shifting to a more thoughtful mood. "Have you told Shirley about Lucy yet?"

Carmine felt his heart sink. "No, but that's only because I haven't had the chance yet."

"Oh, well I'm sure she'll understand. I seem to remember that she was a very understanding sort of girl. Or was she?"

Carmine felt as though the walls of the huge foyer were closing in on him. All he wanted to do was get out of this giant museum of a house. "She'll understand. After all, I didn't know…"

"Didn't you?" cooed Lucille with an icy smile. "I wonder…will Shirley believe you when you tell her that I had your baby and for nine years you had no idea, until now? Or will she think you kept the truth hidden until I decided to share it with her?"

Carmine's eyes narrowed. "Are you threatening me, Lucille? Because I don't respond well to threats."

"I am simply telling you, Carmine, that I found you and I can find your wife, too. I can tell her all sorts of things." Lucille batted her eyes at Carmine. "Are you so certain that Shirley will believe you over the woman you cheated on her with, over and over again, who is the mother of your child? Are you?"

Carmine abruptly turned around and walked to the door. He put his hand on the knob and said, "Goodbye, Lucille. Have a nice life."

"Wait, Carmine!" called Lucille. She reached out and grabbed his arm, tightly. "Aren't you forgetting someone?"

Carmine closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm not going to forget my daughter. I'm going to be a part of her life from here on in, now that I know she exists."

He spun around and forcibly removed Lucille's hand from his arm. "But I'm warning you, Lucille. You stay the hell away from Shirley, you got it? I don't want to have anything to do with you and if you try to ruin my marriage, I'll make you sorry. Understand?"

Lucille tossed her head a little. "Carmine, you forget that I am Lucy's mother. I decide whether or not you have a relationship with her. So I suggest you change your tone and treat me with the proper respect, or you're the one who's going to be sorry."

Carmine glared at her. "You have really changed, Lucille," he told her, coldly. "I should be thanking you for staying away from me all these years, except there's a child involved. You'd really introduce her to me as her daddy, give her the chance to get to know and like me, then just boot me out of her life again, wouldn't you?"

Lucille looked at him. Her mood shifted again. "Carmine, please. Don't you understand how much you mean to me?" she pleaded. "Can't you see how desperate I am to reunite my family? I'm not really asking so much, and I have so much to offer. Just think about it, all right?"

"Lucille…"

"Sh," she said, pressing her fingertips against his lips. "Think about it." Then, she suddenly opened the outer door and called, "Cerullo, please take Mr. Ragusa back to his car now."

Carmine looked at her, then shook his head and turned away. As he walked down the large, marble steps to the limousine, he heard Lucille say, "Please give my regards to your wife."

Carmine paused, but didn't say anything or look back. Then, he got into the limo and Mr. Cerullo drove him back to the dance studio in silence.


	2. Chapter 2

"Laverne, are you sure you're okay enough to be goin' out to dinner?" asked Lenny.

She gave him a wan smile. "Yeah, Len. I'm fine. My stomach's just a little growly, is all. Besides, you know Shirley's been cookin' her little heart out all day."

"Yeah, she really does go all out for these couple's dinners," said Lenny. "All right, but if you start to feel queasy…"

"I'll run right upstairs to bed," Laverne promised. She squeezed his hand.

Lenny smiled at his wife, then knocked on the Ragusa's door.

Ever since the two couples had moved in to two new, vacant apartments in the same building at Laurel Vista, they had made a point of getting together once a week for dinner. Sometimes it was at Laverne and Lenny's, where the menu was usually pizza delivery and beer. Other times it was at Carmine and Shirley's, when Shirley would try desperately to put together a meal that wasn't over or underdone. She was obsessed with perfecting her cooking skills. Unfortunately for Lenny and Laverne, they were her favorite guinea pigs.

Lenny could here arguing on the other side of the door. He glanced at Laverne with concern. "Um, you think this is a bad time?"

Laverne shushed him, then pressed her ear to the door.

"Hey, that ain't polite," said Lenny. Then he pressed his ear against the door next to her. "What'd I miss?"

"Sh!" said Laverne. "I think they're fightin' about kids again…"

Lenny strained to listen. He caught a few snippets.

"…can't you just stop thinking about babies for five minutes!" Carmine was shouting.

"You…selfish sometimes!" Shirley was yelling back. "Are you worried…father?"

"Leave him out of it! It's….else!"

"Oh, boy," said Lenny. He stood up.

"Yeah," Laverne agreed. "Hey, maybe we oughta go…"

She broke off, stumbling slightly as the door suddenly opened. Carmine looked out at them, his eyes flashing with barely suppressed anger. "Come in," he snapped, then turned away and stomped back into his apartment.

Laverne and Lenny glanced at each other, then resolutely joined hands and walked in after him. "Hiya, Carmine," said Laverne, uncertainly. "Shirl…"

Shirley looked over at her friend, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. She cleared her throat then said in an overly-happy voice, "Oh, Laverne, Leonard, I'm so glad you're here." Then, she turned away and walked toward the kitchen. "Dinner's just about ready, so just sit down and make yourselves comfortable." She wrapped her arms around herself, then hurried into the kitchen.

Laverne glanced at Carmine. "Uh, you sure we…"

"Sit," said Carmine, icily. Then, he turned and walked over to stare out the window, arms crossed.

Laverne and Lenny obediently dropped down onto the couch. They looked at each other.

"Can I get you guys a drink?" Carmine offered from the window, his voice shaking. "I know I could use one."

"Um, sure thing, Carmine. You got a beer?"

"Coming right up. How 'bout you Laverne?"

"No, nothin' for me, thanks. Carmine, is everything all right?" she asked.

Carmine shook his head. He turned and looked back at his friends, an expression of deep unhappiness on his face. "Nope," he said. Then he sighed. "Not that that's your fault. I'm sorry, guys." He gave himself a brisk shake and tried to smile. "Look, it'll be fine. You sure you don't want nothin' Laverne? It's no trouble…"

"Naw, Carmine," said Laverne. "I'm kinda takin' it easy lately. My tummy's been bubbly."

"Yeah, I hear ya," he said. "My appetite's been shot to hell too. I'll be right back with a cold one, Len." He disappeared into the kitchen.

"Lenny, what do you think's goin' on here?" asked Laverne. "It's not like Carmine and Shirley to be fightin' like this. Has he said anything to you?"

Lenny shook his head. "Nothin' except that Shirl's on a real baby kick and he's trying to get her to be patient. But I didn't think it had become such a big deal."

"Aw, geeze, I hope Shirl's not drivin' the poor guy nuts," said Laverne. "I know she's always wanted a baby, but…doesn't Carmine want kids at all?"

"Oh, yeah sure. At least, I think so." Lenny shrugged. "To tell you the truth, he's been pretty closemouthed the past coupla days, even at the gym. But I've had a feelin' that somethin' is really eating at him. Somethin' more than Shirley's baby-obsession."

"You should try and find out what it is," suggested Laverne. "Maybe he needs another guy to help him. I'd hate to see him and Shirl break up over this!"

"Aw, no way," Lenny reassured her. "Carmine's totally devoted to Shirley. Nothin' would make him break up with her. Unless you're sayin' that Shirley…"

"No, no. Of course not," said Laverne. "She adores Carmine. But, you know, he's had some problems opening up to her in the past. Maybe he needs a little encouraging here, so that they don't keep hurtin' each other."

"Maybe you should talk to Shirl about her baby-thing, and I should talk to Carmine about his…whatever-it-is thing."

"Good idea, Len," said Laverne. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "That's why I love you. You're always thinkin'."

"Yeah, that's me," said Lenny, shyly. "Thinking Guy."

Laverne stood up with a groan. "Maybe I'll get started now." She walked slowly over to the kitchen.

Inside, Laverne saw Shirley banging around pots and pans, sniffling. "Shirl, what's the matter?" she asked gently.

Shirley shrugged. "Oh, nothing, Vernie. Everything is peachy keen." She looked in the oven, then banged it shut.

"I hope you ain't makin' a souffle," Laverne noted. "Come on, Shirl, it's me. You can tell me anything, you know that."

Shirley sighed. "Oh, Laverne, it's just…married people stuff. Carmine needs to figure out what he wants already!"

"Are you sure it's Carmine who needs to figure that out?"

"What do you mean?" demanded Shirley. She stared at Laverne with eyes reddened by recently shed tears. "Are you implying that I am the problem? Because I assure you, I am not!" Shirley banged another pot for emphasis, sending a few peas into the air.

Laverne rolled her eyes. "I'm not implying anything Shirl, I promise. But, you know, you've been riding Carmine pretty hard about babies for the past couple months…"

"And just what is wrong with that? When Carmine and I got married, before even, he knew that I wanted a nice, big family. Now, he doesn't even want to have one little baby, let alone four or five!"

"Four or…geeze, Shirl. You tryin' to give the guy a heart attack? Besides, you've only been married six short months. You've got lots of time to have a family, Shirl."

"Now you sound just like Carmine!" cried Shirley. "You know, it isn't as though he looks at me funny and we instantly have a baby. It takes awhile to even get pregnant, and then nine more months for the baby to arrive…that's at least a whole year from now! All I want to do is get started!" Shirley hung her head, a tear running down her cheek.

"Aw, Shirl." Laverne walked over to her friend and hugged her, patting her back. "Why are you so sad? Really?"

"Because I don't think Carmine wants children at all," she sobbed. "Vernie, you know a little about his past…"

"Yeah, well, just the little I remember my Pop talkin' about in high school. Lenny told me a few more things…not too much, you know. Len's good at keeping friend's confidences. But I know Carmine's father's an S.O.B."

"That's right," said Shirley. "Well, it's more than that. Between you and me, Carmine's father was very abusive. To his mother, mostly, but to Carmine, too. I think Carmine's afraid that he'll do the same and so he's afraid to become a father."

"Carmine would never, ever hit a kid," said Laverne. "How can you even think…"

"I don't!" Shirley insisted, looking up at Laverne. "Oh, Vernie, I know he would never do anything so horrible! I just don't think he knows it, and he won't believe me when I tell him. Lately…" Shirley bit her lip and looked away.

"What lately?" asked Laverne. "Come on, Shirl. Let it all out."

Shirley nodded. "Lately, just over the past week, Carmine's been getting so angry whenever I mention anything about starting a family. I mean, before he would just laugh it off or give me some reasons why not, but now? He flies off the handle and starts yelling that I don't know what I'm talking about! He's so…distant and mad and…well, sad, too. I don't know what's changed, but at this point we can't even talk about having a family. So, how are we supposed to start one?"

Laverne sighed. "Wow, Shirl. This is a lot. I wish I had an easy answer for you, but I just…don't." She rubbed her stomach and groaned a little.

"Vernie? You feeling okay?"

"Who, me? Oh, sure. Just hungry or somethin'."

"Well, dinner will be ready in a few minutes," said Shirley, turning back to her oven. "You know, Laverne, you've had this tummy ache for awhile now."

"Yeah, I know, but it's getting better," Laverne reassured her.

"Still, you should really see a doctor," cautioned Shirley. "You remember my Aunt Cynthia? She had a stomachache for a month and did nothing about it, then when she finally went to the doctor, he found a tumor the size of a Pomeranian!"

"Gee, what a happy thought," said Laverne. She gulped. "Okay, I promise, I'll go see the doctor."

"Tomorrow, Laverne. You've waited long enough."

"Soon, soon," said Laverne. "But first, you gotta promise me something."

"What is it?"

"Promise me you'll back off the baby talk with Carmine," said Laverne.

Shirley whirled around to face her. As she opened her mouth, Laverne held up her right hand. "Shirl, if you don't want to drive Carmine right out the front door, you've gotta give the guy some space. Whatever is eating at him obviously has to do with having a kid. Drop it for a few days, at least until my husband has a chance to talk to him."

Shirley looked thoughtful. "Lenny's going to talk to Carmine?"

"Yeah. Maybe Len can get Carmine to open up about what's botherin' him and then, when he feels better, he'll be ready to talk babies again with you."

Shirley nodded. "Okay. You know, I have to admit, it used to bother me that Carmine felt like he could tell stuff to Lenny that he had trouble telling me. But, at this point, I'm stymied. If Lenny can get through to him, then so be it. He has my blessing."

"Well, I'm glad you don't mind," said Laverne. "Because I think Len's talking to him right now."

Lenny took the beer that Carmine handed him. "Thanks, Carmine. Hey, wanna drink this outside?" he suggested.

Carmine shrugged. "Whatever. Shirl won't be done burning dinner for another twenty minutes or so."

They walked outside. Lenny stared out at the sun setting in the distance. "Nice night."

"Yeah."

"Carmine, what's eatin' you?" asked Lenny.

"Who says anything's eating me, Len?"

"Your face," Lenny replied. "You look like someone shot your dog."

Carmine looked up at the darkening sky. "Oh, Len," he said, softly. "I've got a really, really big problem. And it's not gonna go away, no matter how much I talk about it. So, what's the point?"

"Well, I dunno," said Lenny. "Maybe it won't make the problem go away, but it might make you feel a little better."

Carmine looked over at the tall, blond man. "I guess it couldn't hurt. But you have to keep this between us. Really between us, Len. That means, you say nothing to Laverne or especially Shirley. I know that isn't fair of me to ask, to keep something from your wife, so if you don't want me to go on…"

Lenny thought it over. "No, that's okay," he said. "I think she'd want us to talk more than she'd want me to tell her what you say. So, spill it."

"Lenny…oh, geeze. I don't even know how to say this to you. How am I supposed to say it to my wife?" Carmine pressed a hand against his forehead.

"Try just sayin' it, real fast, before your brain notices," suggested Lenny. "That usually works for me."

Carmine gave him a strange look, then took a deep breath and said, "Len, I just found out that I have a nine year old daughter by another woman."

Lenny looked at Carmine. His mouth dropped open.

Carmine shifted his weight from foot to foot a few times, before finally saying, "You better close that, Len, before somethin' flies in."

"Huh?" said Lenny, dumbfounded. "Oh!" He closed his mouth. Then, he said, "Carmine, did you just say what I think you just said?"

"If you think I just said that I have a child by another woman, then yes. Yes I did."

"Whoa." Lenny leaned back against a nearby tree. "Holy Moses, Carmine. That's…geeze, no wonder you look so…so…"

"Shocked? Confused? Like a horse kicked me in the gut? That's pretty much how I feel, too. But, wait. There's more."

"More? You got _more_ kids?" Lenny boggled at him.

Carmine rolled his eyes. "No, Len. Just the one. But it's who the one's mother is…that's the problem."

"Who is it?" asked Lenny, eagerly. "Do I know her?"

"You did," said Carmine. He took another breath, then said, "It's Lucille. Lucille Lockwash. Except it's Martin now, or something."

"Lucille…Lucille…" Lenny scratched his head. Then, he gasped. "That hot blonde divorced chick you used to boink?"

Carmine cringed. "Yeah, her. Although I could do without the boink reference."

"Well, Carmine, it's apparently accurate. Wow, Lucille, huh?" Lenny narrowed his eyes a little. "How long have you known about this, anyway?"

"I just found out, Len, I swear! I had no idea…" Carmine shook his head. "I can't even imagine how it happened."

"Well, Carmine, when a man and a woman love each other very much," Lenny began to recite.

"Ugh, Len, I _know_ that! What I mean is, I wasn't stupid back then. Well, maybe a little stupid in who I did it with, but I used protection."

"All the time?" asked Lenny.

Carmine thought about it. "I think so. I mean, I tried to. Aw, Len…the point is that she got pregnant and it's my fault, but she kept the baby from me until now. Now, she's got this weird notion that telling me the truth means I should dump Shirley and run back to her and we can all be a happy little family."

"Are you sure about that?" asked Lenny, slowly.

"Huh? Sure about what?"

"Are you sure it's your fault?" asked Lenny. "I mean, I remember Lucille now, Carmine. She wasn't exactly the one man sort of gal, if you know what I mean."

"I know," said Carmine. "But, Len, this girl…Lucy is her name, by the way…she's got my eyes." Carmine looked at his shoes, a sad smile on his face. "And when I look at her, or talk to her, I feel…I don't know. All squishy inside. She calls me daddy, you know." Carmine smile faded. "Not in front of anyone else, she calls me Mr. Ragusa when other people are around. But when we're alone? She calls me daddy and it makes me feel…" He shook his head. "I can't even describe it."

Lenny put his hand on Carmine's shoulder. "I'm sorry about all this," he said, sympathetically. "But, frankly, feelin' squishy doesn't sound like proof to me."

"Here's the kicker," said Carmine, as though he hadn't heard him. "Lucille's been threatening to tell Shirley if I don't up and leave her. Only not just tell her, but tell her like I knew all along, like I've been having this secret relationship with Lucille all these years and keeping it to myself."

"Hey, that ain't right," said Lenny. "You can't let her do that."

"Of course not! Dammit, Lenny, what am I supposed to do here?" Carmine started to pace. "If I tell Shirley, she's gonna be outraged. But what's worse, she's gonna talk to Lucille. And Lucille's gonna make it all worse. And if I don't tell her, not only will Lucille track Shirl down and lie to her anyway, but Shirley will believe it all the more because I kept it to myself! Either way, I'm screwed."

"Yes, you are," said Lenny, nodding.

"I'd just take Shirl and run, leave the state, except I can't do that to Lucy. So, I've been stalling Lucille for the past few days, trying desperately to come up with a solution that doesn't exist." Carmine threw his hands up in the air.

"Wow. I'm totally out of my league here, Carmine," said Lenny, finally. "But I'm gonna make a suggestion anyway, if you don't mind."

"Mind? I'll kiss you if it works!"

"That won't be necessary," said Lenny. "Carmine, before you do anything, get some proof that this kid is yours."

"But, Len, I told you…"

"Wait a minute! I ain't done suggesting yet."

"Okay, sorry. Go ahead."

"Get some proof, real proof, before you blow Shirl out of the water. Lucille sounds like she's gone a little loopy and maybe she's just tellin' you all this to break you and Shirl up."

Carmine thought it over. "You think?"

"Could be. After all, she tracks you down after, what, nine years and springs this on you…why now? All of a sudden, she decides she's gotta have you and conveniently, she produces a child that she says is yours? Sounds fishy to me."

"I guess," said Carmine, unconvinced.

"How'd she find you, anyway?"

Carmine shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe she hired someone."

Lenny looked at Carmine. Then, a strange look came over his face. "When did she track you down? How long ago?"

"Oh, a few weeks back. She sent Lucy to my tap class and that's how it started. Why?"

"Nothin'," said Lenny, getting a little angry himself. "Never mind. You got enough to deal with. Anyway, go see Lucille and demand yourself some proof. If she's got it, then you gotta tell Shirley yourself, before Lucille gets to her. If Shirley loves you like I know she does, she'll believe you no matter what Lucille says after that. But if you wait and Lucille gets to her first…"

"That would be a bad thing," said Carmine, nodding.

"Very," said Lenny. "You probably don't have much more time, either."

"No I don't," Carmine admitted. "Lucy told me the other day that her mother said we're gonna be a family someday soon. That ain't right, Len, her getting the kid's hopes up like that. Whatever else, this isn't Lucy's fault. I've got to protect her feelings."

Carmine nodded, resolutely. "I'll go see Lucille first thing tomorrow. If she has proof, I'll go from there. And if she doesn't…"

"Then you don't have anything to worry about, except a crazy, lying ex-girlfriend."

"That I can handle," said Carmine, starting to look a little more confident. "Hey, thanks Len."

"For what? I didn't do nothin'."

"Yeah, yeah you did." Carmine slapped him on the shoulder. "You gave me somewhere to start. And that's more than I had before we came out here. Speakin' of which we ought to get back inside, before Shirley and Laverne notice we left."

"Laverne knows," said Lenny, rubbing his shoulder a little. "She kinda pointed me in your direction while she had a chat with Shirl. She's gonna try and get Shirl to lay off you about babies for a little while."

"That'd be a help," said Carmine. "You know, you two are pretty great friends. Shirl and I are lucky to have you." He grinned. "And, as a reward, my wife is going to poison you with questionably cooked meatloaf!"

"Sounds great," said Lenny, nervously.

As the two men walked back inside, Lenny added to himself, _I got another friend I have to have a little talk with real, real soon. Only, he ain't gonna like it half as much_!

The next afternoon, Squiggy was sitting with Rhonda at the Pizza Bowl Too, when Lenny came marching in.

"Hey, Len," said Squiggy. "I'm glad to see you…"

Before he could finish, Lenny grabbed Squiggy by the collar and hoisted the smaller man into the air. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded, eyes blazing.

Rhonda stood up, startled. "Lenny, what do you think…"

"Excuse me, Rhonda," said Lenny, his voice flinty. "I gotta talk to Squig for a minute."

Rhonda looked over at Squiggy, "Andy, what should I do?"

"You should do like the man says and excuse us," said Squiggy, gasping a little. "I'll call ya later."

She nodded. "All right, then. I'll let you two boys…talk." She picked up her purse and left.

"So, Len," said Squiggy, wheezing. "Somethin' on your mind?"

Lenny lowered Squiggy to the ground, but kept his hands on his collar. "You sneaky…that client of yours, that was Lucille Lockwash, wasn't it? And the guy you tracked down was Carmine! Admit it!"

"Yeah, so?" said Squiggy. "I told ya he was easy to find. What's the big deal?"

"What's the big deal? The big deal is, you totally screwed up Carmine's life and you didn't even warn him! What the hell kind of a friend are you?"

"Hey, wait a minute!" said Squiggy, indignantly. He tugged his shirt free of Lenny's hands and took a deep breath. "How did Lucille finding Carmine screw up his whole life? She said she just wanted to give him a piece of her mind, is all. Carmine can handle that."

"That ain't what she gave him, Squig!" shouted Lenny. Then, he glanced around the restaurant at the other patrons watching them.

"Come over here," Lenny ordered, grabbing Squiggy by the arm. He dragged his buddy across the room to a more private corner, then pushed him against the wall.

"Quit shovin' me!" cried Squiggy, pushing Lenny back with no effect. "Why are you so ticked off?"

"Because! I can't believe you'd screw over a friend of ours for a coupla bucks! You know what Lucille threw at Carmine?"

"She threw somethin' at him? What, a brick?"

"No, you numbskull! She told him that she had a kid! _His_ kid! On top of that, she threatened to break him and Shirley up if he didn't leave Shirley first and come back to her!"

"Hold on," said Squiggy, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Len, I didn't know any of that…she never said nothin' about a kid or breakin' his marriage up or nothin'. She told me that she saw my ad and remembered who I was, and figured I might know where she could find Carmine so she could yell at him for dumpin' her all those years ago. That was it!"

"Still," said Lenny, "It was a pretty lousy thing to do. Why didn't you warn Carmine that Lucille was lookin' for him?"

"I couldn't! It was private eye-client privilege! Besides, I was gonna tell him this latest thing…well, I probably was. At least, I was gonna tell you."

Lenny turned concerned. "What latest thing, Squig?"

Squiggy cleared his throat. "Lucille's husband. I told him that Lucille had Carmine over to the house the other day."

"You _what_? Squiggy…"

"Yeah, well, he didn't care for that," said Squiggy, staring at the floor. "He didn't care for it at all. He started tossin' around threats and it made me kinda nervous."

Lenny felt his heart sink. "This guy, Squig. What kinda threats was he makin', exactly?"

Squiggy shrugged, still not looking at Lenny. "You know, the usual. I'm gonna kill the so-and-so…"

"_What?_ Squiggy, oh, my God!"

"Yeah, well, normally I'd just figure it was a guy blowin' off steam. Except I found out a little more about who this guy is and now…I ain't so sure."

"Who is he, Squiggy?" Lenny demanded.

Squiggy finally looked up at Lenny, a guilty expression on his face. "Well, he goes by the name John Martin, but that ain't his real name. I did a little checkin' around, and I found out it's Martino. Johnny Martino."

Lenny thought about this. "Johnny Martino? I heard that name before. Where was it…Johnny…wait a minute. Not the guy from the newspaper…"

Squiggy nodded. "Yeah. The L.A. Enforcer. That's him."

Lenny took a few steps backward, then grabbed a chair behind him and sat down on it. Hard. "Oh, Lordy," he breathed. "Squig, he's a hit man! No one's nailed him yet, but everyone knows it. And he knows who Carmine is?"

"And that his wife wants to run off with him. Yeah. Thanks to me." Squiggy walked over to the other chair and dropped into it, looking dejected. "So, you don't gotta be mad at me for ruining Carmine's marriage no more. Instead, you can be mad at me for getting him killed."

Lenny covered his face with his hands. "Oh, Squig," he mumbled through his fingers. "This is so, so bad. This is the worst bad I can imagine." He looked up. "We gotta do something to fix it."

"Fix it?" asked Squiggy, incredulously. "Other than makin' myself available to the widow Ragusa as a second husband, what do you suggest?"

Lenny reached over and smacked Squiggy upside the head.

"Ow!"

"Somethin' my father-in-law taught me," said Lenny. "You moron, what have you done?" He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment.

When he opened them again, they were filled with determination. "We're not gonna sit back and let Carmine get killed by some hit man, especially when it ain't Carmine who's after Lucille, it's vice-versa. So, what are we gonna do about it, private dick?"

"I…well…" Squiggy looked up at the ceiling. He squinted his eyes. Then, he looked back at Lenny. "Sorry. I got nothin'."

"Well, fortunately for Carmine, I don't have nothin'," said Lenny. He grabbed Squiggy by the arm and yanked him to his feet. "Come on."

"Where we goin?" asked Squiggy, as he was tugged toward the door.

"To Martino's house. I assume you know the way?"

"Are you crazy?" demanded Squiggy, pulling his arm away from Lenny.

Lenny grabbed Squiggy by the front of the shirt again, and said angrily right in his face, "Look, Carmine is at Martino's right now, talkin' to Lucille. That means, if her husband is around, he's gonna get himself shot or worse. We're not gonna let that happen, got it? Now, take me there!"

Squiggy looked up at Lenny, wide-eyed. "Geeze, Len, no need to be so forceful." He pulled his shirt away from Lenny, then followed him outside. "I'll show you where to go. But what do you expect to do once we get there?"

Lenny paused. "I don't know," he confessed. "I'll figure it out as we go along."

"Oh, great plan," muttered Squiggy as they went over to his car. "That should work perfectly."

It took a little while, but Carmine was able to remember the way to Lucille's house. He had paid attention to the street signs and landmarks when he stared out the window of the limousine last time.

Once he got to the gate, he rolled down his window and said to the large guards, "I'm here to see Mrs. Martin. Can you call up and tell her Carmine Ragusa…"

"She's expecting you, sir," said one of the guards. "I'll buzz you in."

"Thanks," said Carmine, rolling up his window again. "Expecting me?" he asked himself. "I didn't even know I was coming until last night. What did she do, tell all her guys to just let me in whenever I show up? Pretty big assumption on her part that I'd come back…"

He drove up to the house. One of the suits in front of the house opened his car door. "Right this way, Mr…"

"Yeah, I remember," said Carmine, a little irritably. All these overly polite bouncer types were giving him the creeps. He locked his car door, then made a show of pocketing the keys before going up the front steps.

He barely had a chance to knock when the door opened. It was Lucy, who beamed up at him.

"Hiya, daddy," she said. "I'm just going over to my friend Sally's for lunch, so I'll see you later, okay?"

"Lunch?" asked Carmine. He watched her skip down the stairs. "Hey, don't you go to school?"

She looked back at him over her shoulder. "Private tutors," she explained, then hopped into the limo with Mr. Cerullo.

Carmine watched as the burly driver closed the rear door, then walked around to the driver's side. "Hey, buddy!" Carmine called.

"Yes, Mr. Ragusa?" asked Cerullo, in a cold, soft voice.

"Drive carefully with her, all right?"

"I always do. Sir." He slid into his seat and drove away.

"Yeah, well be extra careful," Carmine muttered. He walked into the foyer and called, "Lucille? Hey, Lucille, you here?"

"Well, well, well," she said, appearing behind him.

He jumped a little. "Wh…hi. Sorry, didn't see you back there."

"I was in the recreation room," she explained, gesturing to the large, open room on the left. "I'm so glad to see you again. I was starting to get impatient."

"Yeah, I'll bet." Carmine followed Lucille into the parlor. "Lucille, we gotta talk about all this."

"Why don't you sit down?" she asked, very composed. "I'll have Anthony bring us some tea. Anthony?"

Anthony the butler nodded and headed into another room.

"I don't need…aw, forget it. Look, Lucille," said Carmine. "We gotta get a few things straight over here. I need to be sure, absolutely sure, that what you told me about Lucy is true."

"You mean, that she's your child?" asked Lucille. She reached into the drawer of an end table next to the sofa. "I thought you might ask me that. So I took the liberty of making this available." She handed Carmine an envelope.

He opened it, then took out a piece of paper. It was a birth certificate. It was stamped with an official looking stamp from Milwaukee and, as he scanned it, he saw the entries under mother and father. Lucille Lockwash was listed as the mother.

And Carmine Ragusa as the father.

He gulped a little, then handed it back to Lucille. "Well, this doesn't exactly prove anything," said Carmine, hesitantly. "I mean, that just means you told the hospital I was the father."

"You _are_ her father," Lucille insisted. "In every way that counts."

"All that counts to me is biology, Lucille," said Carmine.

She sighed, as Anthony returned with a pot of tea and two cups. He handed one to Carmine, who shook his head. "No, thanks. Look…"

"Oh, come on, Carmine," said Lucille, taking her cup. "It isn't poison. Just have a civilized cup of tea with me so we can talk this out." She nodded, and Anthony poured a little from the pot into their cups. Lucille took a sip.

He rolled his eyes. "Fine. Thanks, Anthony." He took the teacup and stared into it.

"Carmine, if you want a blood test or something, that's fine," said Lucille. "I know you are Lucy's father. I have nothing to hide."

Carmine took a sip of tea. _She's sounding a lot less wacky this time_, he noted. _That's got to be good. At the same time, it also means she must be pretty sure Lucy's mine._

"All right," Carmine decided. "Let's do a blood test. If Lucy's mine, like you say, then I'll go to Shirley right after that and tell her everything."

"Then you'll leave her?" asked Lucille, her eyes lighting up. "You'll come back to me?"

"I didn't say that," said Carmine. "I said I'll tell her about Lucy. But I'm not leaving Shirley for anything or anybody. Now, if you don't want me around Lucy because of that, then I'll get a lawyer and fight to visit her. But I'd rather not."

__

Mostly because I know I'll lose, Carmine thought. There was no way he could afford a court battle like Lucille could. But he was hoping she wouldn't call his bluff.

She smiled at him, a little sadly. "Oh, Carmine. I really hoped it wouldn't come to this. Sugar?"

"It doesn't have to," Carmine insisted. He watched as Lucille spooned some sugar into his teacup and gave it a little stir.

"Thanks." He drank most of the tea and set down the cup. "Lucille, all I'm asking is to be a little part of Lucy's life. Just visit her, get to know her, take her to a ball game…stuff like that. You're married and I'm married…"

"…not happily," said Lucille. "Not to the right people."

"Speak for yourself," said Carmine. "I _am_ happy and I _am_ with the right person. But that doesn't mean we have to be enemies." He shrugged and smiled at her. "Lucille, we got along pretty good once upon a time. Can't we do that again, for Lucy's sake?"

Lucille pressed her lips together. She glanced at the foyer and nodded to someone Carmine couldn't see.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," said Lucille, with a little sigh.

His heart started to pound a little bit. "That isn't your husband, is it? How much does he know about all this anyway?"

"Who, Johnny? Oh, nothing," she laughed, a little nervously. "Johnny wouldn't really understand. But he's away right now…he's away a lot on business…so it's just me and my employees here today."

Relieved, Carmine sat back on the sofa. His heart still felt like it was pounding a little harder than usual. "Oh, good. I wouldn't want to get into a fight with a jealous husband for no reason."

"Is there really no reason for him to be jealous, Carmine?" Lucille asked, batting her eyelashes at him. "None at all?"

"No, Lucille," said Carmine., his voice cracking a bit. He cleared his throat. "Sorry, what was I saying? Oh, right. No, Lucille, there's no reason for him to be jealous. Whatever we used to be, we aren't anymore. All we have between us now is Lucy."

"So," said Lucille, looking disappointed. "That's it, then? That's your final word on the subject of our future?"

"We…we don't have a future…Lucille," said Carmine. He shook his head, then blinked at her. "I…I'm sorry. I'm feeling a little strange…"

"Don't worry about it," she said, reassuringly. She reached out her hand and touched his face, gently. "Carmine, I hope you'll understand why all this was necessary someday."

"I…what?" asked Carmine. Lucille's voice sounded odd to him, like it was echoing down a tunnel. He tried to get her face to come back into focus, but it was getting more and more blurry. As was the rest of the room.

"What did you do?" Carmine managed to ask. He leaned his head back against the sofa, trying to stop things from spinning around. Then, he closed his eyes.

Lucille watched Carmine for a moment. Then, she stood up, straightened her skirt, and walked into the foyer. "We're ready," she said to one of her large bodyguards.

"Are you sure about this, ma'am?" he asked.

She glanced back into the parlor, then looked back at him and nodded. "Yes. I'm certain. He'll be here in about ten minutes. After that, you'll have about an hour to clean up."

"Yes, ma'am." He picked up a walkie-talkie then said into it, "We're a go, guys. Keep an eye out, he should be here in ten."

Lucille nodded, dismissively. Then she walked back into the parlor and sat down next to the young man now sleeping on the couch.

"I'm sorry about this," she said, stroking Carmine's face, gently. "But you've really left me no choice." She gave him a final, sad look, then reached into the end table drawer and took out a gun.


	3. Chapter 3

"You sure this is the right place?"

"Of course! What kinda detective do you think I am?"

"Don't ask me that right now, Squig."

They pulled up in front of a large iron gate that was being guarded by large, suited men. Lenny glanced at them nervously, then asked, "Squiggy, how we gonna get past these goons?"

"Allow me," Squiggy said, aloofly. He leaned out the window and said, "It's me, Detective Andrew Squigman. I'm here to see Mrs. Martin."

One of the guards looked down at him and said, "Get lost. She didn't say anything about you coming here today."

Squiggy gave him a dirty look. "Yeah, well, that's because it's a private matter, between her and me."

"A private matter?" the man asked. "Wait a minute. Are you guys the clean up crew?"

"The…what?" asked Squiggy.

Lenny quickly leaned over and said through the window, "Yeah, right. Exactly. We're here on that private cleaning matter."

"Oh. Okay then." The guard pressed a buzzer and the gate opened. "Park around the side."

"Thank you, my good man," said Squiggy. Then he ducked back into the car and rolled up the window.

As they drove up the winding driveway, Squiggy said, "I ain't no cleaning guy. What the hell was that palooka talkin' about?"

Lenny shrugged. "Whatever. It got us in, didn't it?"

"I guess so." Squiggy drove up to the side of the house and parked. He and Lenny got out and walked around to the front of the house.

Lenny's mouth dropped open. "Wow," he breathed. "This place looks like a movie dream house!"

"Yeah, not bad, not bad," said Squiggy with a grin. "Why'd you think I was so happy with this score?"

Lenny closed his mouth and glared at Squiggy again. "That still don't excuse anything you did."

Squiggy looked away. Then, he started looking around.

"What is it?" asked Lenny, watching him.

"Well, there's usually a bunch of other goons watchin' the front door. I wonder where they all are?"

Lenny shrugged. "Maybe they got the day off. C'mon." He hurried up the marble stairs, then started to knock on the huge front door.

"Wait!" called Squiggy. He scampered up beside Lenny and grabbed his arm. "What, you're just gonna knock like the Avon lady and ask for the hit man of the house?"

"I…oh," said Lenny. "Okay, smart guy, what do you suggest we do?"

Squiggy screwed up his face in a look of rapt concentration. Then, he leaned against the door.

And almost fell over as it swung open.

Catching himself, Squiggy stumbled into the foyer. Looking back at Lenny, he said, "How about that?"

"Yeah, I guess that works," said Lenny, following him inside. As he looked around, Lenny started to get a strange, uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Squig, this don't seem right."

"What, that a mob hit man's house is left unguarded and the door open? Yeah, I gotta agree with you there," said Squiggy. He looked up the stairs. "Hello?" he asked, softly. "Anyone in here?"

Lenny peered into a large, empty room to the left. Then, he turned and walked into a well-decorated room to the right.

"Oh, my God!" Squiggy heard Lenny exclaim.

"What? What is it?" asked Squiggy, hurrying over to his friend. Then he stopped dead in his tracks.

On the floor of the room was the figure of a large, heavyset man. He was lying face down, blood pooling around his head. A neat hole was visible on the back of his balding scalp.

"Geeze," Squiggy gasped. "He looks really, really…"

"Dead," Lenny confirmed, with a gulp. Then he went over to the sofa. "Carmine? Is that you?"

Carmine was leaning back on the sofa, his eyes closed. In his right hand was a snub nosed .38.

"I didn't think he had it in him," said Squiggy, sounding a little impressed.

"He doesn't!" snapped Lenny. Then, he reached down, took Carmine by the shoulders, and gave him a hard shake. "Hey, Carmine! What's going on here?"

"Huh?" asked Carmine, groggily. He raised his head a little and blinked up at Lenny. "Shirl, I told you, we'll talk about it in the morning." He closed his eyes and slumped back against the cushions.

"Hey, nap time's over!" said Lenny, shaking him a little harder. "Carmine, get up! You're in big trouble here!"

"I…what?" Carmine shook his head, then looked up at Lenny again, bleary-eyed. "Lenny? Is that you?"

"Yes, it's me," said Lenny. "What are you doin' here with this dead guy and that gun?"

Carmine stared at him blankly. Then he looked down at the corpse on the floor. Then he held up the gun in his hand. Eyes widening, he tossed the gun away. "That's not mine!" he said, his voice a bit stronger.

Squiggy looked at the body, then back at Carmine. "What'd you do, Carmine?" he asked. "You killed Johnny!"

"I didn't!" Carmine insisted. He tried to stand up, but couldn't quite manage it. He leaned forward and put his head between his hands. "I never killed anybody in my life. I wouldn't! What's going on here?"

Lenny shook his head, then glanced around nervously. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" asked Squiggy.

"That."

"Oh, you mean the sirens?"

"Yeah, the sirens." Lenny reached down and grabbed Carmine by the arm. "Come on, we've gotta get out of here."

"Len, I didn't do this!" said Carmine, looking up at Lenny, desperation in his eyes. "The last thing I remember was having tea with Lucille. Is that her husband?"

"It was," Squiggy confirmed. "Johnny Martino, ex-L.A. Enforcer."

"Johnny Martino…oh, you've gotta be kiddin' me," groaned Carmine. "_That's_ Lucille's Johnny Martin?" He slouched down onto the sofa, staring up at the ceiling. "I'm dead, guys. I'm as dead as he is."

"Not if we get out of here!" Lenny insisted. He pulled Carmine to his feet, then held onto the dazed man until he steadied himself.

"Where are we gonna go?" Carmine asked, as Lenny led him to the door.

"Somewhere that's not here," said Lenny. "Squig, come on!"

"Just a sec," said Squiggy. He ran across the room, picked up the gun that was lying on the floor, then carefully stuck it in his jacket pocket. He then walked over to the coffee table and picked up the teacup that had been sitting in front of Carmine. Carrying it gingerly, he followed Lenny out the front door.

Lenny looked around. The sirens were getting louder now. "Quick, Squig's car is right around the side," he said, tugging Carmine toward it.

"Wait, Len," said Carmine. He took a couple of gulps of fresh air, then said, "Why am I running away? I didn't shoot Johnny Martino. I can just explain to the cops…"

"What? That you just happened to be holding the gun that just happened to put a bullet through Johnny's head? That you just happen to be the ex-boyfriend of Johnny's wife and current father of Johnny's wife's kid?"

Carmine though about it. "You're right. Let's get the hell out of here." He looked over at his car, still parked outside. "Nuts. What about that?"

"You got the keys?" asked Lenny.

Carmine fumbled in his pocket, then pulled them out. "Yeah, but…"

"Give 'em to me. We'll take your car."

"Wait a minute!" complained Squiggy. "What about mine?"

Lenny sighed. "You drive it, then meet up with us back at Carmine's dance studio. We'll figure out where to go from there."

Lenny and Carmine got into Carmine's car, while Squiggy ran off to his.

Lenny gunned the engine. He shot past the police cars that were winding their way up the narrow driveway, then barreled through the still-open iron gate and headed for the open road. He didn't slow down until they were several miles away from the Martin estate.

"I hope we don't lose Squiggy," Carmine commented, rubbing his eyes.

Lenny glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "We'll see if you still feel that way after you've had a chance to chat with him."

"Huh? What do you mean, Len?"

"Never mind right now," Lenny replied. "You'll find out soon enough."

"Good, it don't look like anyone's following us," said Lenny, glancing at the road behind them.

Carmine shook his head, slowly. "How did this all happen?" he groaned. "First I'm the father of an illegitimate child and now I'm a fugitive? It's like an endless nightmare!"

They were now in Squiggy's car, having ditched Carmine's at the dance studio parking lot. Squiggy was driving, good and fast.

"Carmine, you tell me straight out and I'll believe you," said Lenny. "Did you shoot Johnny?"

Carmine looked at him, a little hurt. "Len, how can you even ask me that? You think I'm capable of killing someone?"

"Not normally," said Lenny. "But Johnny was a bad, bad guy. Maybe it was self-defense."

Carmine shook his head. "It wasn't. I never even laid eyes on Johnny. Besides, you think if I shot a guy, I'd be stupid enough to sit down on his couch afterward and take a snooze next to the corpse?"

Lenny studied his face a moment. Then he nodded. "Okay, I believe you."

"Well, then if Carmine didn't off him, who did?" asked Squiggy. "That didn't look like no suicide in there."

"Whoever did it wanted Carmine to take the fall for it," said Lenny. "Look, what exactly _did_ happen today?"

Carmine thought about it. "I went to talk to Lucille, like you suggested," he said, slowly. "She was acting a lot more sane than the last time, so I thought we were getting somewhere."

"So's you sat down for a little friendly tea?" asked Squiggy.

"Well, yeah. I mean, we were talking and she had her butler bring in tea." He shrugged. "Then you guys were there and Lenny was yelling at me."

"I'll bet she was real insistent on you havin' a drink, right?" Squiggy nodded.

Carmine looked at him. "Come to think of it, she was a little over-focused on the tea, yeah. She even put sugar in it for me…oh. Oh!"

"The light dawns," said Squiggy.

Lenny looked over at him. "Squig, what are you sayin'? You sayin'…"

"Lucille drugged him," said Squiggy. "Then she shot Johnny, or had one of her goons do it, and put the gun in Carmine's hand."

Carmine was nodding, anger reddening his face. "Then she called the cops. They were supposed to find me there with the motive, the weapon, the opportunity, and the body. I'd be in jail right now if you guys hadn't come along."

"Yeah, well you can thank us later," said Squiggy.

Lenny glared at him. "He can thank one of us, Squig."

"What?" demanded Carmine. "Say, what were you guys doing there anyway? How did you know where to find me?"

Squiggy was silent. Lenny reached over and punched him none-too-gently on the shoulder.

"Tell him," warned Lenny. "Or I will!"

Squiggy shifted uncomfortably in the driver's seat. "Well, it's like this, Carmine," he said, reluctantly. "I'm kinda the guy what pointed Lucille in your general direction…"

"You did _what?_" yelled Carmine. He nearly launched himself from the back seat into the front, but a convenient bump in the road forced him back again. "Squiggy…"

"I'm sorry! I had no idea what she was really up to! I was just tryin' to earn a buck. Anyway, as soon as I realized you might be in trouble, I brought Lenny with me to save you, so we're even. Right?"

"Why you little…" It was Lenny's turn to look outraged. He clenched his jaw, then said, "It don't matter who brought who where. The point is, Carmine, Lucille must have had this all planned from the start. She tracked you down so that you could be the fall guy in her little scheme to get rid of her rich, mobster husband."

Carmine closed his eyes, leaning his head back on the seat. "And it worked. I fell for her whole story hook, line, and sinker. And now I'm sunk."

"No you ain't," said Lenny. "We got you out of there before the cops could arrest you."

"Yeah, that's great Len. Except they still got the gun with my fingerprints all over it. It should take the police about five minutes to conclude that I did it and then the fact I ran…guys, I'm gonna go to the chair!" He pressed his hands over his eyes, banging the back of his head against the seat.

"Calm yourself," said Squiggy. "They don't got the gun. I do."

"What?"

Squiggy pulled the .38 out of his pocket. "Right here," he said.

Lenny grabbed it from him before they could go over another bump. "Squig, you took the gun? That was a pretty good idea."

"Yeah, I'm full of 'em," said Squiggy. He reached into his lap and lifted up the teacup. "That ain't all I grabbed."

"That's one of Lucille's tea cups," said Carmine.

"It's the one you drank out of…well, at least I think it is," Squiggy replied. "And it's still got a little tea in the bottom. If she put something in it the way we think she did, we can prove it!"

Carmine looked at Squiggy. "I'm impressed," he admitted. "You almost seem like you know what you're doing."

"I _am_ a professional," said Squiggy, loftily.

"Yeah, well, Mr. Professional, where are we gonna go now?" asked Lenny. "We gotta keep Carmine here under wraps until we can prove he was set up."

Squiggy waved his hand, nearly spilling the remnant of tea from the cup. Lenny quickly snatched it away and carefully cradled it in his hands.

"Never you worry, boys," said Squiggy. "I know just the place to start. Just put yourself in my hands, Carmine."

"Oh, okay Squig," said Carmine sarcastically. "Because so far, that's working well for me."

"Exactly," Squiggy said, oblivous. "Exactly!"

"Squig, this is a movie set," said Lenny, looking around. "What are we doing here?"

"Proving Carmine's innocence," the smaller man replied.

Carmine folded his arms. "Exactly how is visiting a movie set supposed to help me?"

"Oh, ye of little faith," said Squiggy. He led them over toward a trailer. "Just shut up and come with me."

Carmine looked over at Lenny suspiciously. Lenny shrugged.

They followed Squiggy to the trailer, and watched as he knocked on the door. "Oh, Rhonda darling?" he called in a sing-song voice. "Your little Andy Pandy is here!"

"Just a moment," Rhonda's familiar voice was barely audible through the trailer door. She opened it and stepped out.

"Wow, look at yourself," said Squiggy, eyeing her like a piece of candy. Rhonda was clad in a tight pseudo-police uniform. The blouse was unbuttoned down to her cleavage and she was wearing a minuscule skirt. She gave Squiggy a halfhearted smile.

"Andy, I thought I told you that we were going to take things slowly and see where they led," she began. Then, she looked up and saw Lenny and Carmine standing behind him. A little startled, she took a step away from Squiggy.

"Oh," she said. "And you brought company. Look, Carmine, Lenny, this isn't exactly what you think…"

"Never mind that," said Squiggy. "Look, Rhonda, we're here for a reason. We need help with somethin'."

"What is it, fellas?" she asked.

Carmine shook his head. "I haven't got a clue. Len?"

"Me neither."

Squiggy rolled his eyes. "Rhonda, remember how you told me that your movie is using a whatchamacallit….friend sicks…expert as a consultant on site?"

"That's forensics," she corrected. "Yes, they are. My producer wants everything to be as authentic as possible."

"Well, where is this expert?" asked Squiggy. "Because we need his expertise for something in the real world."

Rhonda thought for a moment. "He's down by the fake street corner over there. Fifth and Main. That's where the leading man is supposed to find the big clue to the murder mystery."

"Great!" exclaimed Squiggy. "Maybe we will too. Come on, guys!" He started to leave, then paused and went back to Rhonda. Looking up at her, Squiggy said, "Can I call you later tonight, my policewoman of plenty?"

She grinned a little. "Oh, you," said Rhonda. "Why don't you try and I might answer if I feel like it."

"See to it that you do," said Squiggy, slyly. He let his eyes scan up and down her figure again, then shuddered appreciatively before hurrying off in the direction of Fifth and Main. Carmine and Lenny followed him, waving goodbye to Rhonda as they went.

"What's that all about?" Carmine asked Lenny. "Squiggy and Rhonda…"

Lenny shrugged. "Beats me. I know she's been less repulsed by him than usual. Maybe it's more than that."

"Damn," muttered Carmine. "I guess love really is blind, deaf, and unable to smell."

They rejoined Squiggy just as he stepped into the middle of a shot. The director began shouting at him, but Squiggy just waved the guy away, holding his private investigator's license high in the air.

"Move along, move along, this is official busy-ness!" called Squiggy. He looked around. "I'm lookin' for the forensy guy. The real one. Where is he?"

"I am the forensics consultant for this film," replied an older gentleman, stepping forward. He was of medium height, with gray hair and a slight paunch. "What can I do for you, Mr…"

"That's Detective Squigman, to you," said Squiggy. "I need you to forensic something for me with your expertise. Lenny?"

Lenny held out the teacup that he had been carrying very carefully. "It's like this, Mr…"

"That's doctor," the older man corrected.

"Oh, right. Sorry," said Lenny. "It's like this, doctor. Our buddy here, well, we think someone slipped him a mickey in his tea. We need you to prove it so he don't get blamed for somethin' he didn't do."

The doctor took the teacup, suspiciously. "My analysis may take some time," he cautioned. "And if this is a police investigation, the request should really come from them."

Squiggy dug into his jacket pocket and came up with a wad of bills. "Maybe my friends here, the dead presidents of these United States, can make you feel better about helpin' us directly."

The doctor eyed the money. Then he held out his hand. "They might just," he said.

Squiggy looked at the money for a moment, then sighed and reluctantly handed the entire bundle to the doctor. "Just make it snappy and keep it quiet!" he demanded. "You get answers, you call me directly. Here's my number." Squiggy reached into another pocket and handed the doctor a card.

The doctor looked at it. "Will do, Detective Squiggins."

"Squiggins?" Squiggy took back the card, then squinted at the small black type. "Aw, nuts! I gotta get me a new printer." He handed the card back.

"It's really important," said Carmine, hopefully. "Please, as soon as you find anything, give Squiggins here a call, all right? My whole future is depending on this."

The doctor nodded sympathetically. "I'll take care of it as soon as possible," he said.

"Thanks."

As the three men walked away, Lenny said, "Now what?"

"Now we try to find Lucille," said Carmine, grimly. "She either did this, or had it done. Either way, I'm not gonna let her get away with it." A look of realization crossed his face. "Len, what about Lucy? You think Lucille ran off with her?"

"Carmine," said Lenny, carefully. "You realize that Lucy probably ain't yours after all. It was all part of the scam."

Carmine looked at the ground, sadly. "I know. But it doesn't matter somehow." He looked over at Lenny. "Even if she isn't my daughter, she's still a little girl who needs protecting. Her mother's a lunatic. God knows what she's been exposed to, or what Lucille has planned next. Any woman who would use her kid like Lucille did…"

"Okay, okay. I see your point," said Lenny. "So, where do we begin? For all we know, Lucille up and left the country after she got rid of Johnny."

Carmine shook his head. "I doubt it. Remember, she figured I was gonna go down for murder. All she'd have to do is show up and play the grieving widow with the psycho ex-boyfriend. She's gotta know by now her plan went wrong, and that means she's as much a suspect in Johnny's death as I am. I'm sure she doesn't want the cops catching her trying to leave the country."

"I guess not."

"No, her best bet would be to play it cool, maybe point the police in my direction…" Carmine paused, his eyes widening. "Squig, did you ever tell Lucille where I lived, or just where I was working?"

Squiggy scratched his head. "Just where the dance studio was," he said. "As soon as she heard you still worked in one, she said that was all she needed to know."

Carmine looked relieved for a moment, then said, "Wait, no. If she goes to the studio, someone there would probably tell her where to find me. Especially if she says that Lucy's my daughter. She's probably got the cops there now…oh, Shirley!" He slapped the side of his head. "Shirl's gonna find out the whole, ugly mess and think I'm a killer to boot! I gotta get over there." He started to run back to the car.

Lenny grabbed the back of Carmine's shirt, stopping him. "Slow down there! You can't go runnin' into the cops! We just ran away from them, remember?"

Carmine paused. "I know…but, Len…"

"Look, let's go to Bardwell's," Lenny suggested. "Shirl should still be there, right? You can sneak in and take her aside and explain everything without getting thrown in the pokey."

Carmine nodded. "Okay, I guess that works. Come on!" He hurried back to Squiggy's car.

Lenny walked over to Squiggy and put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, Squig?"

"Yeah?"

"Where'd you get all that dough you forked over to rent-a-doc back there?"

Squiggy sighed. "That was the money Johnny owed me. He paid me the last time I saw him, you know, when he threatened Carmine?"

"So you just turned over all your hard-earned money to that doctor just so he would help Carmine out?"

Squiggy shrugged. "Sort of. It was the least I could do."

"Yeah, it was," said Lenny. "Still, it was good of you to do it."

Shirley was straightening the outfit on a mannequin, when Laverne appeared behind her.

"Hey, Shirl," she said, poking her friend in the back.

"Eek!" cried Shirley. Turning to glare at Laverne, she said, "Well, just sneak up behind me and give me a heart attack, why dontcha?"

"Sorry," said Laverne, with a mischievous grin.

"You're back from the doctor's already," Shirley noted. "Well, that's good. What did he say?"

"Oh, nothin' specific," said Laverne, mysteriously. "He took a few tests, said I'd have an answer soon, but everything looks good."

"Well, that's wonderful," said Shirley. "I'm very relieved that you took my advice and went. Now, help me get these mannequins prettied up, will you? I want to leave on time tonight."

"Oh, yeah?" asked Laverne. "Why, you and Carmine got plans for tonight?"

Shirley smiled. "I have plans for him. I'm going to make us a nice, intimate dinner where we're going to discuss…"

"Oh, no, Shirl," groaned Laverne. "You're not gonna start again already, are you?"

"No," said Shirley. "What I was going to say before you jumped down my throat so rudely was that we were going to discuss everything and anything except having babies! I want Carmine to feel like he can relax and have a good time with me, without any pressure."

"Well, good for you, Shirl!" said Laverne, impressed. "That's a great idea. I'm sure Carmine will be a lot happier if you give him a break."

"I hope so," said Shirley.

"Hey, Shirley," said Mr. Hildebrand, coming up to the storefront window. "You've got a phone call."

"Me? Oh, it must be Carmine. I hope he isn't going to be late tonight." Shirley hopped down from the window and hurried off to the telephone.

"Good luck!" Laverne called after her. She watched her friend go, then smiled to herself and began to rub her belly.

After several minutes, when Shirley didn't return, Laverne walked toward the back and tapped her boss on the shoulder. "Excuse me, but do you know where Shirl disappeared to?"

Mr. Hildebrand waved his hand toward the front door. "She said something about a family emergency, then went right out the door. You should tell her that leaving early like this will go on her employment record!"

"I'll be sure to do that," said Laverne. As their supervisor walked away, Laverne glanced at her watch. "Record, shmecord," she muttered. "If something's wrong at home, Shirl might need me." With that, she ran out of Bardwell's.

"So, where are they?" asked Lenny, peering through the front window of Bardwell's department store.

Squiggy shook his head. "I dunno. I don't see nothin' but mannequins with nice fronts."

Lenny turned back to the car, where Carmine was waiting, hunched down in the back seat. He shook his head and shrugged at Carmine, then pointed to the front door.

"Come on, Squig. Let's go inside. Maybe the girls are in back or somethin'."

Once inside, the two men separated and began searching through the store. After a few minutes, they reunited in the center aisle.

"Any luck?" asked Lenny.

"None at all," said Squiggy. "No Shirley. Ain't it a little early for her to have gone home?"

"Yeah, it is. The weird thing is, I can't find Laverne noplace either."

"Can I help you two gentlemen?" asked Mr. Hildebrand, walking up to them with a suspicious look on his face.

Lenny looked at the man's employee badge and said, "Oh, good. You're the girls' boss. I'm lookin' for my wife Laverne Kosnowski and her friend Shirley. Are they here?"

"No, they are not!" snapped Mr. Hildebrand. "And I'm docking your wife's pay and her friend's. They both left here a full two hours before the end of their shifts."

"Yeah, well, did they happen to mention why?" asked Lenny, growing concerned.

"I don't know about your wife, but Shirley said something about a family emergency."

"Oh, no," groaned Lenny. "Did someone call her?"

"Yeah," Squiggy piped up. "Like, someone official?"

Mr. Hildebrand eyed them strangely. "No, no one 'official,'" he said. "What's going on here? Are those ladies in some sort of trouble?"

"No, no, nothing like that," said Lenny, quickly. "Look, can you just tell us what Shirley said, exactly?"

"I already did," sniffed Mr. Hildebrand. "Some woman called for her and Shirley spoke to her for a minute, then hung up and said she had an emergency at home. She ran out right after that without a backward glance."

"A woman?" asked Lenny, his heart sinking. "You say it was a woman on the phone?"

"She didn't happen to mention her name, did she?" asked Squiggy.

"Not to me. But Shirley certainly seemed to recognize her," said Mr. Hildebrand. "Looked as though she was none too happy to be talking to her, either. Is that all, gentlemen? Because, unlike your ladies, I still have work to finish up today."

Lenny nodded absently and the supervisor walked away.

"Len, do you think…" Squiggy started.

"I'm afraid to think," said Lenny. He grabbed Squiggy by the arm and pulled him out the front door and back toward his car.

As they dove inside, Carmine sat up and said, "What is it? Where's Shirley?"

"Carmine, I think we got a bigger problem than the police back home," said Lenny as Squiggy pulled away, nearly colliding with a truck in his haste.

"What is it?" asked Carmine, instantly concerned.

"Shirley apparently got a call from some woman that made her hurry off for home. And I think Laverne went after her."

Carmine's eyes widened. "Len, you don't think…Lucille? You think Lucille is waiting for Shirley at home?"

"I'm afraid she might be, yeah." Lenny was bouncing in his seat. "Squig, can't you drive any faster?"

"I'm drivin' as fast as I can!" snapped Squiggy.

"Len, Lucille's a murderer!" cried Carmine, looking frantically out the window. "If she's there waiting for Shirley, there's no telling what she might do!"

"I know that, Carmine!" Lenny debated whether or not he could actually outrun the car, but decided against it. "Come on, Squig, move it!"

"Lenny, you still got that gun?" Carmine asked, very quietly.

Lenny reached into his pocket and held it up. "Yeah, I do," he said. "And it's still got five bullets in it."

Carmine nodded. "Let's hope we don't need it," he said. "But just in case we do…" He held out his hand.

Reluctantly, Lenny handed the gun to Carmine. "Just remember, our wives are gonna be in there."

"Believe me, Len. Right now, that's all I can think about." Carmine tucked the gun into his waistband and sat back, a haunted look in his eyes.

Laverne knocked on the door of Shirley and Carmine's apartment. "Hey, Shirl!" she called. "You in there?"

She waited a moment. When she didn't get a response, she knocked a little harder. "Shirley! Is everything okay? I was worried the way you ran off from work like you did…Shirl? Come on, open up!"

"Laverne, go away!" she heard Shirley shout. "I'll talk to you later!"

Laverne sighed, then turned the handle and opened the door. "Aw, c'mon, Shirl," she started to say. Then, she saw who was in the apartment and paused.

A tall, slender woman with long blonde hair was standing beside the sofa. Shirley was sitting on it, her eyes red and her face streaked with tears.

"Hey, what's goin' on in here?" demanded Laverne, walking a little closer. "Who are…wait a minute. I know you."

"Hello, Laverne," said Lucille, without a trace of a smile. "It's been a long time."

"Lucille? Lucille Lockwash?" Laverne sat down on the sofa beside Shirley, then put her arm around her friend's shoulders. "What the heck are you doin' out here?"

"I was here to have a little, private discussion with Shirley here. But if you want to be a part of it, I suppose that's acceptable." Lucille nodded in the direction of the front door.

Laverne glanced over. A very large man in a suit who had been standing behind the door gave it a gentle shove, then locked it. He then stood at attention beside it, his hands clasped in front of him, as though waiting for something.

Laverne raised an eyebrow and looked back at Lucille. "You mind tellin' me what's goin' on here?"

Shirley ran a shaking hand through her hair. "Allow me," she said, sniffling. "Lucille here just told me that my husband, Carmine, is the father of her illegitimate daughter."

Stunned, Laverne stared at Shirley. Shirley nodded.

Looking up at Lucille, Laverne said, "Are you kiddin' me?"

"No, I am not," said Lucille icily. "Take a look for yourself." She handed an envelope to Laverne.

Laverne opened it and looked at the piece of paper inside. "It's a birth certificate," she said, wonderingly. "It says that…well, it says that Carmine Ragusa is the father of a Lucy Johnson."

"Johnson was my maiden name," explained Lucille.

"Well, this doesn't prove anything, Shirley," said Laverne, tossing the birth certificate back to Lucille. "I mean, it could be fake! Or, she might have just told the doctors that Carmine was the father."

"Lucille told me that Carmine consented to his being listed as the father," said Shirley, sobbing a little. "She says that he's known for a long time that she had his daughter, that he's quietly been a part of their lives for years now. And, she showed me this." Shirley handed Laverne another piece of paper.

Laverne took it and looked it over, "This is a permission slip for enrollment in a tap class."

Shirley nodded. "The one Carmine teaches twice a week. It's a month old, Laverne, and it's for his…for their…daughter!" Shirley put her hands over her face. "He's been teaching his daughter how to dance for a month now, right here in Burbank! That proves that he knew all along!"

"Wait, Shirl, that don't prove anything of the sort," argued Laverne. "I mean, yeah, I guess he might have known this girl was his, but maybe not!"

"Oh, Laverne, really!" snapped Shirley. "It's an awfully big coincidence if he didn't know, don't you think?"

"Well, maybe," Laverne admitted.

"Laverne, Carmine asked me to move out here with our daughter," said Lucille, smoothly. "He missed her terribly after he left Milwaukee. This is all at his request, I assure you."

"Oh, _you_ assure me," Laverne sneered. "That means a lot." She turned back to Shirley. "Look, Shirl, think about this. If Carmine knew about this kid and missed her so much, would he have left Milwaukee at all? Why would he have come out to California if he was so attached to Lucille and her daughter?"

Shirley sniffled some more, grabbing a few tissues from a nearby box. "I don't know, Laverne. You would have to ask him. Goodness knows, he tells me nothing of importance. I'm just his _wife_, after all!" She blew her nose, then continued. "No wonder Carmine wasn't in a hurry to start a family. He already has one!"

Laverne looked up at Lucille, then rose to her feet. "Lady, I don't know what kind of game you're playin' here, but this don't add up. Carmine Ragusa has only ever loved Shirley here. Now, he played the field when he was younger, we all know that, and yeah, I guess it's possible he messed up with you. But as for secretly raising a kid with you for, what, eight or nine years? No way he'd do that!"

Lucille shook her head. "There is much more, I'm afraid. Not only did Carmine want me out here, he wanted to get rid of my husband, so that we could finally be together. I tried desperately to talk him out of it, but he just wouldn't listen." A tear slid down her cheek and she sniffed. "Now he's gone and killed my poor Johnny."

"Wh…_what_?" Laverne exclaimed.

"What?" asked Shirley, looking up from her tissues with wide, confused eyes.

Lucille nodded, then began to pace dramatically. "It was awful! I came home from the beauty parlor, and the police were everywhere. Right in the middle of our floor, in our home, was my husband, Johnny, shot right through the head." She covered her eyes with her perfectly manicured hands.

Laverne looked back at Shirley, then said, "Well, that's really awful about your husband and all, Lucille. But how do you figure Carmine did it?"

Lucille looked away. "He said he would. He told me, over and over, "Lucille, I want my family together again. All I want is to be with you and our beautiful daughter. You know how much I want us to be a family. And, if that means I have to get rid of your husband, then so be it."

"That don't sound a thing like Carmine," Laverne scoffed.

Shirley raised an eyebrow. "No, it doesn't," she said.

Lucille glared at them. "You just don't understand him! You never did. All Carmine has ever wanted was a child…many children. And me, of course. He's tired of waiting for you to get around to giving him a family, so he's come back to the family that's been waiting for him for nine long years! It's just so tragic that he felt he had to kill Johnny to make it happen."

"You're lying," said Shirley, flatly.

"Ex…excuse me?" asked Lucille, looking down at Shirley with tear-filled eyes.

"You. Are. Lying!" said Shirley, again. She stood up next to Laverne. "I know what Carmine wants and doesn't want and it certainly isn't children he's been pining for. Or you, for that matter." She planted her hands on her hips. "Above all else, Carmine wouldn't kill anybody. He's a kind, gentle, decent man, not a cold-blooded murderer. Which you would know if you had been in contact with him for a decade the way you claim."

"Atta girl, Shirl," said Laverne, nodding.

"You know what all this tells me?" asked Shirley, taking another step toward Lucille.

Lucille backed away a little. "What?"

"It tells me, lady, that if you're lying about some of it, then you're probably lying about all of it!" Shirley tightened her small hands into fists. "Get out of my home! I can't believe I let you in here in the first place, let alone listened to one lying, stinking word that came out of your twisted mouth! Get out!"

Laverne smiled, then stepped over beside her friend. "You heard her," said Laverne, threateningly. "Get out, before we throw you out!"

Lucille rolled her eyes and sighed. "No one plays along nicely anymore," she said. "Mr. Sweeney, if you wouldn't mind?"

Laverne looked over her shoulder, eyes widening in fear as the large man by the door pulled out an equally large gun from the holster under his jacket. "Sit down, ladies," he ordered.

Laverne and Shirley abruptly sat back down on the sofa.

"What are you doing?" asked Shirley, her voice trembling. She looked back up at Lucille, who was watching her with a frosty smile.

"You know, your husband threw away the biggest opportunity of his life earlier today," said Lucille. "It's too bad, really…we were so good together once. Now where he went and inconveniently disappeared to after that, I don't know. But I do know this. He'll be back to claim his wife." Lucille folded her hands together, tapping the index fingers. "At least, to claim her body."

"Her…whoa, wait a minute," said Laverne. "This is getting way out of hand! Lucille, you can't mean to…to…to do somethin' to Shirley here." She glanced back at Mr. Sweeney, who was now standing next to the sofa as well. "Can you?"

"I'm afraid I do," said Lucille, her smile vanishing. "Unfortunately for you, Laverne, it looks like your husband will have to claim a body as well."

Laverne gulped and pressed a hand over her stomach.

"Why are you doing this?" asked Shirley, shocked. "What can you possibly gain by killing us? Carmine won't exactly run back into your arms if you do this!"

"Perhaps not," said Lucille. "Honestly, I would have preferred that he simply went along with everything voluntarily. Then we could have been together. But, he's changed after all these years. Not quite so opportunistic as he once was. Which is a shame for him." She shrugged. "If Carmine had just stayed put at my house after Johnny's unfortunate shooting, he'd be in jail now and you'd be just fine. I still can't figure out where he went…in any case, his untimely departure made it necessary for me to improvise."

"Improvise what, exactly?" asked Laverne.

"I need a murderer, or the police will start to suspect me. Carmine is still my best choice. But I need him to come back from wherever he ran off to hide for that to work. So to flush him out, I'm going to add to his list of victims. By the time he shows up, the police will be waiting to throw him in jail for three counts of murder. It makes perfect sense, after all…he killed my husband and his own wife, so that we could be together, and his wife's poor best friend because she stumbled in on his dastardly actions. In the meantime, I will be cast once again as the beautiful, stalked woman who never wanted any of this to happen!"

Laverne looked over at Shirley, then said, "You're nuttier than a squirrel, Lucille."

Lucille snorted. "Not nutty, Laverne. Brilliant. Now, if you'll excuse me?" Lucille picked up her purse from the table. "Personally, I've seen enough bloodshed to last me awhile, so I'll just wait in the kitchen until Mr. Sweeney is finished."

"Wait!" cried Laverne. "You can't do this! You can't just have us shot down like a couple of dogs in the street!"

"Watch me," said Lucille, without a backward glance.


	4. Chapter 4

"Pull over here, Squig!" ordered Carmine.

Squiggy obediently stopped the car behind a large palm tree. "What's up?"

"That limo over there," said Carmine. "That's Lucille's."

"Oh, no," groaned Lenny. "It's right in front of our building!"

"Yeah. And that ain't good." Carmine opened the car door. "Look you guys wait here. I'm gonna go take care of this." He started over to the limousine.

"Wait!" hissed Lenny, getting out of the car. "We're not gonna just sit here while you go runnin' around getting shot at."

"We're not?" asked Squiggy. Then, he sighed and got out of the car as well. "No, I guess we're not."

"Guys, look, I want to thank you both for all your help so far," said Carmine. "But I don't want you to get hurt or get in my way. This is all because of me and I'm the one who has to make it right."

"Well, Carmine, that's real noble of you," said Lenny. He pointed up at the building. "But you forget, that's my wife in there too. She might be in as much danger as Shirley right now and there ain't no way on this green earth I'm gonna sit in a car while that's the case! So, you'd best share your plan, because I'm comin' with you!"

Carmine sighed. "All right, Len. Here's the plan. There is no plan. I'm just gonna pick off as many of Lucille's goons as I have to, until I can get to Shirley."

"That's okay," said Lenny. "I can help you do that."

"You can?" asked Squiggy.

"Sure. I've been working out." He cracked his knuckles. "Besides, I used to be a pretty good tackler when I played football in gym class. Remember?"

Carmine sized him up, then nodded. "Let's go, then. I just hope all we need are fists and football tackles to do this."

He led Lenny and a reluctant Squiggy around the back of the limo. Carmine gestured for Lenny to go around to the passenger's side as he went around to the driver's side.

Before Carmine could reach the driver's door, the rear door on the same side opened and Lucy stepped out of the car. "Hi, daddy!" she said, happily, hugging him.

Carmine gestured frantically for her to get back in the car, but it was too late. The driver's door opened and Mr. Cerullo got out of the car. All six plus feet, two hundred odd pounds of Mr. Cerullo.

"Well, well, Mr. Ragusa," he said, as Carmine slowly straightened up. "We've been looking for you all over the place."

"I'll bet," said Carmine. He gave Lucy a little push so that she was behind him. "Lucy, honey, I want you to go behind the car. You'll see a little guy in a leather jacket and a funny haircut back there. Stay with him, okay?"

"Huh?" asked Lucy. She held on to Carmine's hand. "Daddy, I want to stay with you."

"Yeah, daddy," said Mr. Cerullo, taking a step toward Carmine. "She wants you to stick around. Me, too."

"Go!" Carmine shouted, pushing the little girl toward the back of the car. Then, he reached into his waistband and pulled out the .38, pointing it at Mr. Cerullo's chest.

Lucy's eyes opened very wide, then she ran back to where Squiggy was crouched. He looked at her and gave her an awkward smile. "Hey…Carmine's kid," he said. "How's about you and me see how close to the ground we can stay?"

Lucy nodded, watching as Carmine stepped closer to Mr. Cerullo. "Why's my daddy doing this?" she asked, inching closer to Squiggy.

Squiggy looked into the little girl's eyes and said, "He's got his reasons, kiddo. Just…stick with me. I won't let nothin' happen to you."

"Put your hands up," Carmine ordered, as Mr. Cerullo took a step away from him. "Go on. I might not have used this on your boss, but I'm sure as hell willing to use it on you!"

Mr. Cerullo took another step back. "You're too late, anyway," he sneered.

"What do you mean?" demanded Carmine. He waved the gun a little. "I said, get your hands up! Nice and high!"

Cerullo raised his hands a little higher. "Mrs. Martino's already upstairs with your little wife," he said. "She's got plans for her, pal. Big plans."

Carmine glanced up at the apartment building. As soon as he did, Mr. Cerullo kicked the gun right out of his hand. As the gun flew up in the air, he charged at Carmine with an angry roar.

Carmine threw himself out of Mr. Cerullo's reach, trying desperately to follow the gun's trajectory. He saw it land a few feet away from him. As he dove for the gun, all two hundred plus pounds of Mr. Cerullo landed on his back. He hit the ground with stunning force, but managed to twist around and drive his right fist into Mr. Cerullo's jaw.

Mr. Cerullo cried out, eyes widening. Then, he wrapped both of his large hands around Carmine's throat and proceeded to try to choke the life out of him.

Fortunately, Mr. Cerullo was so distracted by this activity, that he didn't see Lenny climb onto the roof of the car and launch himself toward the big man's back. Lenny managed to land headfirst into Mr. Cerullo's spine, knocking him off Carmine.

Carmine gasped, then sat up. "Thanks, Len," he managed to croak. Then, he crawled over to Mr. Cerullo, who was starting to pick himself up off the ground.

"You stay there!" Carmine ordered. He punched Mr. Cerullo straight in the nose, which resulted in an audible crack, then sent a couple of more blows into the large man's jaw and the side of his head.

Mr. Cerullo obediently fell over onto the grass and lay still.

"Wow, nice job," said Lenny, rising to his feet. He held out his hand and helped Carmine to his feet.

"Yeah, well we ain't done yet," said Carmine, grimly. He gestured toward the building. "The big ape told me Lucille's already up there with Shirley. So we don't have time to stand around congratulating ourselves." Carmine scanned the ground, then spotted the gun. He scooped it up. "You still coming?"

"You bet," said Lenny.

Carmine looked back at Squiggy. He had come out from behind the car, his hand on Lucy's shoulder.

"Squig, you got something to tie this goon up with? I'd hate for him to run after us when he wakes up."

"No problem. I'm very prepared." Squiggy took out a pair of handcuffs from his pocket, then straddled Mr. Cerullo and snapped them onto his wrists. "That oughta hold him."

"Where'd you get those?" asked Lenny. "From the private eye store?"

"Naw, I just have these for…other reasons."

Carmine nodded gratefully. "Stay here and take care of my…of Lucy, all right?"

"Daddy?" said Lucy, uncertainly. "Where are you going now?"

Carmine gave her a little smile. "Don't worry, honey. Everything will be all right. Just stay with the nice Squiggy here, okay?"

"Okay," she said. "When are you and mommy coming back?"

Carmine's smile faded. "Just wait here." Then, he turned around and ran into the apartment building, Lenny close at his heels.

Frantically, Shirley said, "Wait a minute…Mr. Sweeney, is it? Come on, you don't want to shoot us."

"Yeah," said Laverne, stalling for all she was worth. "We're nice girls. Hey, we can be nice girls to you, if you let us go!"

"La-_verne_!" exclaimed Shirley.

"What?"

"We are married women now…"

"Shirley, we are going to be dead women if we don't convince this guy to let us go!" hissed Laverne.

"Oh. Right." Shirley looked up, batting her eyes and showing her dimples. "Mr. Sweeney, please. We can work something out, I'm sure."

"Sorry, ladies," said Mr. Sweeney. He pointed his gun at Laverne. "You heard my boss."

"Wait…don't!" shouted Laverne, pressing her hand over her stomach. "You can't shoot a pregnant woman, can you?"

"_What_?" asked Mr. Sweeney and Shirley at the same time.

Laverne nodded enthusiastically. "That's right! I'm pregnant! You wouldn't shoot a mother with a little unborn baby inside her! You couldn't live with that kind of guilt, could you Mr. Sweeney?"

"R…right!" said Shirley. "Laverne here's gonna be a mommy. You had a mommy, didn't you, Mr. Sweeney? How would you feel if some guy came along and killed her before you could be born? Pretty bad, I would think!"

Laverne rolled her eyes a little. "Yeah, what she said. Come on, Mr. Sweeney. Just turn your back for a minute and we'll run out the door…you can tell Lucille in there that we overpowered you or something."

"Right. She'd buy that." Mr. Sweeney raised his gun again, a little more slowly this time. "Look, ladies, this is nothing personal. Business is business."

Laverne shrank back as Shirley wrapped her arms around her friend.

At the same time, the front door of the apartment flew open. Lenny ran straight in and yelled at Mr. Sweeney, "You get the hell away from my wife!"

"Both our wives," added Carmine, leveling the .38 at Mr. Sweeney's head.

Mr. Sweeney swung around and fired.

Lenny dove to one side, while Carmine threw himself flat on the ground. Shirley screamed, then grabbed Laverne by the arm and pulled her behind the sofa as Mr. Sweeney turned back and advanced toward them.

Lenny picked himself up off the floor and tackled Mr. Sweeney, pushing at the man's legs as if against a giant redwood. Mr. Sweeney looked down, then swung at the top of Lenny's head with his gun.

Fortunately for Lenny, he never had the chance to finish the motion. Mr. Sweeney's body jerked as a bullet from the gun in Carmine's hand tore through his arm. He dropped his own weapon with a cry, clutching his now-useless arm.

"The next one goes through your head!" warned Carmine. "Get down on the floor, now!"

Mr. Sweeney nodded, then knelt on the floor.

"All the way," said Carmine, walking over and pressing the gun to the large man's temple.

Mr. Sweeney dropped to the floor, arms outstretched, moaning a little in pain.

Lenny stood up and went around the sofa to Laverne. "Are you all right?" he asked, eyes filled with fear.

"I'm fine, Len. Thanks to you guys." She stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck. He could feel her trembling as he held her. "Len, it's all so crazy," Laverne said, trying not to cry. "First Lucille is tellin' Shirl all these lies, then she's askin' this big goon to shoot us and…"

"Sh, sh. It's all right now. I'm here." Lenny stroked her hair. He looked over Laverne's shoulder at Carmine. "Nice shot."

"Thanks," said Carmine. "More like lucky shot." He held out his hand to Shirley, who was just straightening up behind the sofa. "Angel Face?" Carmine asked, carefully. "Are you okay? They didn't hurt you, did they?"

She shook her head, approaching her husband cautiously. "But Carmine…that woman. Lucille…she's gone stark raving mad!"

"I am not mad," said Lucille evenly, stepping into the room. "Well, maybe a little annoyed…"

As Carmine shoved Shirley behind him and started to raise the gun again, Lucille pulled out a revolver from her purse and aimed it at Lenny and Laverne, who were standing closest to the kitchen. "Drop it, Carmine, or I'll blow both your friends away right in front of you." She smiled a little. "You know I can do it, too. You saw what I did to Johnny and I actually liked him."

Carmine nodded, slowly. "Okay, Lucille," he said, keeping his voice calm. "No problem." He lowered the gun to the floor, then raised his hands and stepped back from it.

"Where have you been?" Lucille demanded, stepping a little closer to Carmine and Shirley, her gun now trained on his chest. "That little powder I mixed in your tea should have put you out at least until the police arrived."

"Yeah, well, fortunately for me a couple of friends stopped by to give me an early wake-up call," said Carmine. "Lucille…just get out of here, all right? Your little plan's obviously a bust now. If you run, you can get out of town before the cops…"

"Oh, Carmine," said Lucille. "I'm not a quitter! Don't you remember anything about me?"

"I remember a lot about you," said Carmine, quietly. "Enough to know that you don't want to do this."

"No, I don't," said Lucille. She gave Mr. Sweeney a little kick in the side. "Go on, get up!" To Carmine, she continued, "I never wanted things to get quite so complicated. I just wanted us to be together – you, me, and Lucy, the way it was always meant to be. Why did you have to be so stubborn, Carmine? With Johnny's money, we would have been set for life!"

"Lucille," said Carmine, carefully. "I don't love you. I never loved you. And, it's pretty obvious from what you've been doing that you don't love me, either."

"How can you say that?" demanded Lucille. "I've done all of this for us. For our daughter!"

Carmine shook his head. "You don't set someone up you claim to love for a murder rap," he said. "You don't lie to him that he has a child just to get him to do something that you want."

"That part isn't a lie, Carmine. Lucy _is_ yours! Or, at least, she probably is." Lucille hung her head slightly. "I honestly don't know for sure. But you're as good a possibility as anyone else from that time is! You were the one I wanted to be her father, the one I want to be with me now. Please, Carmine?"

Lucille stepped a little closer to him, her gun still aimed at his chest. "We can still do this. We can go downstairs and get in the limo and leave with Lucy! I know enough of Johnny's bank account numbers that we can live anywhere we want, as well as we want. What do you say?"

Carmine cleared his throat. "What about my…Shirley here? Or Lenny and Laverne? Are you saying that if I go with you, right now, that you'll let them go?"

"Of course not," said Lucille, a little indignantly. "You don't expect me to leave witnesses behind, do you? They know I killed Johnny! No, I'm afraid they all still have to go."

Carmine shook his head. "No dice, Lucille. I'm not gonna let you shoot everyone." He took a deep breath, then stepped a little closer to her. "So, here's the deal. I leave with you now and we just get out of here and leave everyone alone. Or, you have to shoot me too. You ready to do that, Lucille? You ready to kill the father of your child, the man you claim to love so much? Because the woman I knew would never be capable of that."

Lucille's lower lip trembled, tears welling up in her eyes. "Oh, Carmine," she said, softly. "I guess you really never knew me at all."

Lenny watched in horror as Lucille started to pull back the trigger of her gun. Then, he pushed Laverne aside and tackled Lucille, slamming into her just as she fired.

Carmine froze as the crack of the fired gun echoed in the air. He looked down and quickly patted the front of his shirt. Not finding any holes, he happily commented, "Wow, I'm not dead!" Then he looked down at Lenny and Lucille.

Lenny had pinned Lucille to the ground. Her gun had rolled away, but Mr. Sweeney was reaching down for it.

"Leave it!" yelled Carmine. He kicked Mr. Sweeney in the jaw, then grabbed the gun himself. Swinging it in an overhead arc, Carmine brought the butt of the gun down on the back of Mr. Sweeney's head, sending the big man crashing to the floor with a grunt.

"Get off of me!" cried Lucille, managing to roll over and claw at Lenny's face with her long fingernails. He raised his arms to block her, and she kicked him in the stomach with the tip of her high-heeled pump. Gasping, Lenny clutched his middle and rolled off Lucille, trying to catch his breath.

At the same time, Lucille dove for her gun. She came up with it, a wild look in her eyes and her hair sticking out in all directions. Pointing the gun at Lenny, she cried, "I have had enough of all of you!"

Before she could fire, Laverne called, "The feeling's mutual!"

As Lucille started to turn toward her, Laverne swung the lamp she had grabbed off the coffee table base-first into Lucille's face. Lucille's feet actually left the ground before she landed on her back with a _whoof_ of escaping air.

As the stunned woman started to turn onto her side to get up again, Shirley jumped on top of her. Tightening her fists, Shirley sent three roundhouse punches into Lucille's face.

"That's for trying to steal my husband!" Shirley yelled. "And that one's for threatening my best friend! And that one's just because you're a witch!"

Carmine chuckled a little, in spite of it all. He walked over to Shirley and lifted her off of Lucille. Her fists were still swinging. "Easy, there, tiger," he said, lowering her to her feet. "I think she's had enough."

Shirley looked down. Lucille lay motionless on the floor, her face a mask of smeared makeup splattered with blood from her nose and mouth. "Oh," said Shirley. She looked down at her reddened knuckles. "Did I do that?"

"You sure did," said Carmine.

"Yeah, with the help of my little slugger," said Lenny. He groaned, struggling to his feet. "You always were a heck of a batter, Laverne."

"Len, are you okay?" she asked, full of concern. Laverne touched his scratched face carefully, then patted his stomach. "Did she hurt you?"

"Naw, I'm tougher than some crazy lady," said Lenny, taking a deep breath.

Laverne threw her arms around Lenny. "Oh, Len, I was so scared! What did you think you were doin', jumpin' on Lucille like that? You coulda been shot!"

"He was saving me," said Carmine. He walked over to Lenny, shaking his head in astonishment. "I'd be dead right now if you hadn't jumped her. That's two times I owe you for, Lenny." Carmine held out his hand. "Thanks. Again."

"You're welcome. Again," said Lenny, shaking Carmine's hand with a smile.

"Okay, everybody. Hands where we can see 'em."

The two couples froze, then looked over at the door. A police officer was standing there, his gun drawn. Three more officers were in the hallway behind him.

"Uh, oh," said Carmine, raising his hands.

"No, no, Ossifer," said Squiggy, shoving his way into the apartment. "They're the good guys." He pointed to Mr. Sweeney and Lucille on the floor. "Them's the perpetrators. Now, do your duty!"

"Oh, Squig," sighed Lenny, relieved. "You called the cops. Good boy!"

"Yeah, yeah, well I figured things might just get out of hand. I see that I was right." He looked around at his friends. "You guys all okay?"

"Just fine, Squig," said Carmine. "Where's Lucy? I told you to keep an eye on her."

"And I did," said Squiggy, a little defensively. "She's right here."

Lucy stepped out from behind Squiggy. She watched, wide-eyed, as a police officer hauled her dazed mother to her feet, cuffing her hands behind her back.

"Aw, geeze, Squig!" groaned Carmine, hurrying over to the little girl. He turned the child's head away. "Don't look, sweetie. You don't need to see this."

"Daddy, what's going on?" asked Lucy, tears running out of her wide, dark brown eyes. "Where are the policemen taking mommy?"

Carmine looked up, helplessly.

Shirley, who had been watching the scene in silence, walked over and offered a gentle smile. She crouched down beside her husband and put a hand on Lucy's cheek.. "Your mommy just needs a little help. The policeman is going to take her someplace where she can get it. But don't worry." Shirley glanced over at Carmine, who looked back at her with gratitude. "Because your…your father and I will take care of you while she's away. Okay?"

Lucy nodded. Shirley stepped back as Carmine picked up the little girl and walked out into the hallway with her. He paused in the doorway, then looked back at his wife.

"Thank you, Shirl," he said softly. "You have no idea…."

"Oh, but I do," said Shirley, looking at him sadly. "I know exactly what this means to you." She turned away and walked over toward her kitchen.

Laverne reached out a hand, touching Shirley lightly on the shoulder as she passed. "Are you okay, Shirl?"

Shirley shook her head a little. "Not right now. But I will be." Then, she managed a little smile. "By the way, was what you told that goon true?"

Laverne shrugged. "I'm not 100 sure yet. But, yeah, probably."

"Then, congratulations." Shirley looked as though she wanted to say something else, but simply shook her head before continuing on into the kitchen.

Laverne and Lenny were left looking at each other.

"Congratulations? For what?" asked Lenny.

Laverne smiled, reached up, and patted his cheek. "I'll tell ya a little later."

Then, they embraced, silently rejoicing in their own, safe togetherness.

Carmine came downstairs, looking tired. He smiled uncertainly at Shirley.

"Is Lucy asleep?" Shirley asked.

Carmine nodded. "Yeah. She was pretty beat." He went over to the couch and dropped onto it beside Shirley. "You did a good job straightening up the place."

"Yeah, well, it's going to take a while to get the blood stains off the rug. And that lamp Laverne used like a Louisville Slugger is trash."

"I never liked it much anyway."

They sat together in silence. Carmine was watching Shirley's expression, trying to read her thoughts.

Finally, he said, "At least I don't have to go to jail. The cops told me that with everyone's testimony that Lucille confessed, plus the results of the forensics test on the teacup when they come back, I should be completely cleared."

"That's nice to know," Shirley said, distantly.

"I'm so sorry, Shirley."

She shook her head. "For what, Carmine? You didn't sic Lucille on me."

"No. But I didn't tell you about her threats, either."

"No, no you didn't. Yet another little news flash you kept from me. Along with the one about you having a child by her."

"Shirl," said Carmine. "I honestly didn't know…."

"You may not have known for the past nine years, but you sure as shooting knew for the past few weeks!" Shirley cried. "Once again, you chose to keep something major in your life from me, Carmine. Only this time, it just might be one thing too many!" She stood up and turned her back on him.

Heart sinking, Carmine said, "I know I was wrong. But, Shirl, you've got to understand! I didn't want to tell you something so big, something I knew would hurt you so badly, until I knew for a fact that it was true!" He stood up and walked over to his wife, putting his hand on her shoulder.

She shrugged it off, not facing him. "Carmine, you should have told me right away. It isn't whether or not Lucy is yours that is the issue. It's the fact that Lucille was back claiming that she was. You should have let me be there for you, helping you through it, figuring out whether or not Lucille was lying! Instead…." She broke off, clearly trying not to cry.

Carmine shook his head. "Instead I did what I always do. What I promised you on our wedding day I wouldn't do anymore. I kept secrets from you to protect you." He smacked himself on the forehead and said, "I don't know what's wrong with me, Shirl! I can't seem to learn from one mistake to the next."

"You really have no faith in me at all, do you?" asked Shirley, finally turning to face him.

The pain in her eyes was almost more than Carmine could stand. "That's not it…"

"Then _what_?" she cried. "What else is there? You assumed that I would go ballistic if you told me you had an illegitimate child by Lucille, didn't you?"

"Well, was I wrong?"

"No. No, Carmine, you weren't wrong. It would have made me yell and cry and stamp my feet. But you know what? It wouldn't have made me leave you."

"Shirl, please don't say this…."

"Say what?" she asked, bitterly. "Say that I've had enough of your lying and keeping secrets? Say that I'm tired of living with a man who only trusts me so far, and no farther? Say that I'm going to leave you because I am tired of waiting for yet another shoe to drop from your messed-up past? Well, I'm sorry, Carmine. Because that's exactly what I _am_ saying!"

Carmine looked away from her flashing eyes, struggling to find the right words to say to keep his life from falling apart. "Shirley," he said after a moment. "I'm begging you, don't do this. You're my whole life, don't you know that? If you leave me, I…I don't know what I'll do. There will be nothing left for me to do, nothing that matters."

"Carmine…"

"No, wait. You had your turn." He took her by the shoulders. "Listen to me, okay? I'm sorry I waited to tell you about Lucy. I was going to do it right away...well, almost right away, but I couldn't figure out how. Then, the other night when we had Lenny and Laverne over to dinner, when you started arguing with me again about us having a baby? That's when I decided to tell you, but you wouldn't listen! You turned it all around to our having kids and by the time I started to steer you back, Lenny and Laverne arrived. Then, Len convinced me to get some proof first, which I was trying to today by confronting Lucille. You know how well that turned out."

He lowered his eyes. "I know I should have handled it differently, and if I'd had an inkling as to what Lucille was planning I would have. But, Shirl, I guess the truth of the matter is that, given the choice between protecting you and hurting you, I'm always going to err on the side of protecting you. Now, if you can't live with that, I suppose I'll have to understand and let you go. But I don't want to, Shirley." He paused, struggling to keep his fear and pain from overwhelming him. "The thought of losing you is killing me inside."

"Oh, Carmine," said Shirley, her tears flowing freely now. "I don't want to go. But how can we possibly stay together? I need you to be honest with me. You're telling me that you can't be. So what else is there to say?"

Carmine raised his eyes, gazing deeply into hers. "I can say that I love you. I can say that I need you like I need air to breathe. Please don't leave me…." His throat tightened and, for a few moments, he couldn't get out another word.

When he regained some measure of control, he continued. "Shirley, I haven't loved too many people in my life. And the few I have all left me, one way or the other. But no one I ever loved and lost before has torn my heart out the way you're doing right now. I wish Lenny hadn't stopped Lucille from shooting me today, so I wouldn't have to feel this."

"Don't say that!" cried Shirley, aghast. "Don't you ever say that. The thought of you…of what she almost did…nothing is worse than that! At least, not to me." She reached out, tentatively, to touch his face. "You could be gone, right now, if that bullet hadn't missed you. Gone forever…" She closed her eyes, then took a deep breath. Then, she softly said, "Okay."

"Okay?" asked Carmine, a little confused. "Okay what?"

"Okay, I won't leave you," she replied, drying her tears with a tissue she grabbed from the box on the coffee table.

"You mean that?" asked Carmine, afraid to get his hopes up. "Shirl, do you really mean that?"

"I do," she said nodding. "But you hear me, Carmine Ragusa, and you listen up good. I will not be lied to! Not for any reason, not any more."

"Shirl, I told you…."

"I don't give a fig what you told me!" she interrupted. "You have a hero complex. Get over it! I am not a little china doll you have to keep from breaking. Whatever happens, I can handle it. I think I proved that today when I taught your ex-lunatic a thing or two."

Carmine nodded. "You sure did give her a pummeling."

"That's right." Shirley took another step closer to him, grabbing him by the collar. "You saw what I did to Lucille today? That's nothing compared to what I'll do to you if you ever, _ever_ keep something like this from me again! Got it?"

Carmine raised both hands in a gesture of surrender. "I got it! I promise, I got it!" He put his arms around her and hugged her tightly. "Thank you, Shirl. Thanks for giving me another chance."

"I'm not just doing it for you, you know," she said, pressing her cheek against his chest. "There's a little girl upstairs that you have legal custody of. Whether or not she's your daughter, it's your name on her birth certificate and that means she's yours, unless someone proves otherwise. And she needs a decent home. A stable home, with a father and a stepmother."

"What are you saying?" asked Carmine, holding Shirley at arm's length. He looked into her eyes. "Are you telling me that you could actually accept Lucy into our lives, knowing who her mother is?"

Shirley bit her lower lip, but nodded. "It isn't her fault," she said. "Lucille's not getting out of jail or the mental hospital or wherever she's going for a long, long time. The thought of that sweet, innocent girl going to live in some orphanage…."

"I know," said Carmine. "It's hard for me to imagine, as well." He sighed, glancing up the stairs. "I guess I need to arrange a blood test or something."

"Whatever for?"

"What…well, to figure out if Lucy's mine, once and for all."

Shirley shook her head. "No, Carmine. I don't think that's necessary."

"But Shirl," he countered. "You know as well as I do that Lucille might have lied."

"Carmine, it doesn't matter," said Shirley. "Whoever her father is by blood doesn't change the fact that she needs a father now! You really think one of those other boy bimbos Lucille was with nine years ago is going to step up to the challenge?"

"Well, no," he conceded. "Are you sure about this, Shirley? Really sure? I mean, it isn't like a puppy that we can give back later on. You're talking about making this child our own."

Shirley gave him a sad little smile. "Yes I am," she said. "And yes, I'm ready to do that."

Carmine looked at his wife. Then, he swept her into his arms and kissed her passionately. She yielded in his arms, clinging to him tightly.

When they finally parted, Carmine said, "Shirley? You still interested in working on a little tap dancer of our own?"

"Don't say that, Carmine. Not unless you mean it."

"I _do_ mean it," Carmine said. "I want a baby with you. I want another child to call me daddy." He grinned. "I like the sound of it."

"Really?" Shirley's eyes glowed with excitement. "You're really, finally ready?"

"Yeah. I really, finally am," he said. He gestured with his head toward the stairs. "Care to give it a go tonight?"

Shirley gave him a knowing look. "You might be able to convince me. You go on up. I'll be there in a minute."

"Don't keep me waiting," he said, with a wink. Then he jogged up the stairs, humming a little tune to himself.

As Shirley watched him go, she whispered to herself, "I wonder. Will our children have your eyes, like she does?" Then, she went over to the wall switch and flicked off the light.

Lenny stared at Laverne as though she had grown a second head. "What did you say?"

"Len," said Laverne, carefully. "Do I have to act it out? I. Am. Going. To. Have. A. Baby!"

"Are…are you sure?" he stammered. "I mean…we weren't even tryin'…"

"Yeah, well we weren't exactly not tryin', Len," Laverne reminded him. She smiled uncertainly, rubbing her still-flat stomach. "The doctor says the test will be back in a day or two, but it looks pretty likely. So. What do you think?"

"What do I think? What do I think. I think…oh, my God…I don't know what to think!" Lenny stood up and began pacing the length of their living room. "It's all so fast."

Laverne's smile faded. "You aren't happy then?"

Lenny paused, turning to face her. His eyes were wide like a deer staring into a set of headlights. His mouth dropped open as he reached for the right response.

Laverne bowed her head. "I guess that's my answer." She turned away and started over to the stairs.

"No, wait!" called Lenny. "Don't go. Look, I'm sorry. I was just surprised, is all." He hurried over to his wife and took her hand. "I _am_ happy."

She glanced back at Lenny over her shoulder. "Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"Naw, you're just sayin' that."

"I am not! I'm really, really happy. See?" Lenny gave her a broad grin, then pointed to it. "See this? This is my really, really happy face!"

Laverne smiled, relieved. "Oh, thank goodness. I thought…well, I knew it was a big surprise and all…"

"Yeah, it is. But it's a great surprise." Lenny hugged Laverne close.

"We're gonna be parents," said Laverne, her voice filled with wonderment. "We're gonna be a mamma and a pappa! It doesn't seem real…"

"No," said Lenny, softly, staring at the wall over her shoulder. "It sure doesn't." He squeezed Laverne a little closer, then released her abruptly. "I'm sorry! Did I squish…anyone?"

Laverne patted her tummy. "I wouldn't worry just yet. Little he or she is too itty-bitty to squish right now!"

Lenny smiled at her, then hesitantly put his hand against her stomach. "Wow," he said, shaking his head. "A kid, huh?"

"Yeah. Go figure."

Lenny nodded. "Okay. Well, I guess we gotta figure out how to rearrange things. We can put a crib in our room at first, then maybe…I don't know…close off part of the living room and make it a baby's room." He looked around the apartment. "Or maybe we should just move again."

"Whoa, whoa, there," said Laverne, with a laugh. "Look, we got about seven months to figure this all out. In the meantime, can't we just enjoy lookin' forward to our first child?"

Lenny bent down and kissed Laverne, cradling her face between his hands. He looked deeply into her eyes and said, "You know I love you more than anything or anybody on Earth, right?"

Laverne patted his cheek. "I know. Thanks, Len."

"Thanks? Thanks for what?"

"For this!" She rubbed her tummy again. "Speaking of which, I gotta go call Pop. He's gonna go crazy…be right back!" Laverne turned and went up the stairs.

Lenny watched her go, smiling until she disappeared from sight. Then, his smile vanished.

He walked over to the sofa and dropped onto it, his hands over his eyes. "Oh, my God, oh, my God," he repeated to himself. "I can't be a father. I can barely take care of myself and a wife…what am I going to do?"

Lenny thought for awhile, then lowered his hands and nodded, resolutely. "I'm gonna do whatever it takes," he said. "For my wife and for my…my…my baby. Yeah. That's what I'll do. Whatever it takes."

Three days later, at the Pizza Bowl Too, Lenny handed one cigar to Squiggy and another one to Carmine. He had a cockeyed grin on his face.

Squiggy looked at it, then said, "I guess this means the doctor called."

Lenny nodded. "He sure did. I'm gonna have me a baby!"

Carmine stood up and shook his hand. "Hey, congratulations buddy! Only…"

"Only what?" asked Lenny, tossing a few cigars to various men sitting in the restaurant.

"Only I think you're supposed to pass these out after the baby is actually born."

"Ohhhh," said Lenny, pausing. "Right. Well, I'll just have to get another box in seven months!"

Carmine chuckled, then sat down again. "Does Mr. DeFazio know?"

"Sure, sure," said Lenny. "Laverne called him first thing, well, first thing after she told me of course."

"Of course." Carmine studied the cigar in his hand. "Wow, so I guess we're both fathers now. Ain't it funny how things just sort of happen?"

Lenny sat down, slapping the table with his hand. "Amen! So, what are you boys havin' today?" he asked. "Subs, pizza…whatever, it's on me!"

"Say, when did you get so richy rich?" asked Squiggy. "You workin' or somethin'?"

"Well, my father-in-law does own the place," said Lenny. "But, yeah, I'm workin'." He cracked his knuckles and leaned back in his chair. "I got me a job as a security guard down at the warehouse district."

"That's terrific, Len," said Carmine. "How'd you manage that?"

"Well, Carmine, when word of my heroism in capturing Lucille hit the papers, suddenly people started callin' me for job interviews. I took this one because I get to say stuff like, 'Move along, there' and wear a cool uniform!"

"Sounds perfect for you."

"Yeah, and thanks, by the way. I know it was you that made me sound so good in print."

Carmine shrugged. "It was the least I could do." He turned to Squiggy. "So, Squig. You still in the P.I. business?"

Squiggy nodded. "You betcha! I got me a new client…no one connected to you this time, I promise."

Carmine gave him a look of warning. "Better not be."

"No, no. This one's on the up-and-up. Some guy lookin' into where his shipments of Bosco have been disappearin' to. Seems the cases arrive at his warehouse, but then a bunch go missing."

"Someone's stealing Bosco?" exclaimed Lenny. "That's just wrong!"

Squiggy nodded. "The best part is, if I can figure out what's goin' on, he's gonna pay me half in cash and half in Bosco! I'll be rollin' in money and sweet Bosco goodness."

"Sounds…interesting, Squig," said Carmine, trying to get the image of Squiggy rolling around in things out of his mind.

"So, how's the kid?" asked Squiggy. "She doin' okay with you and Shirl?"

Carmine nodded, an affectionate smile lighting up his face. "Yeah, under the circumstances, she's doing great. Shirley's really going all out to make friends with Lucy and I think Lucy really likes her." His expression darkened slightly. "I still don't know what to tell her about her mother. I've kept the papers out of the house and Shirl and I just keep saying that Lucille's sick and has to go away to get better for a long time…but she's gonna find out sometime. I don't know…what do I say then?"

"Say the truth," said Lenny, putting his hand on Carmine's arm. "Tell her that you love her and you're not goin' anywhere. Then tell her that her mother's problems have nothin' to do with her."

Carmine looked at Lenny, a little surprised. "You know, every so often, you come out with some amazingly smart things."

"Don't worry," Lenny reassured him. "It won't happen too often."

"Anyway," continued Carmine, with a laugh. "It looks like things are finally lookin' up around here. So, I'd like to propose a toast." He raised his beer mug.

Squiggy and Lenny hoisted their own.

"A toast to what?" asked Squiggy.

"To you guys," said Carmine. "To Len's new job and new baby, and to Squiggy actually finding a career he's halfway decent at. You're almost like real human beings."

"Almost," Squiggy acknowledged.

"What about you, Carmine?" asked Lenny. "You got a few things to be happy about, you know."

"Yeah," said Squiggy. "Like not rotting in a prison cell the rest of your life."

"There's that," said Carmine. "Also, there's my incredibly understanding wife and my beautiful new daughter. So, yeah, okay." He raised his glass a little higher. "Here's to my second chance. I've got a shot at having a real family. I just hope nothing else happens to screw it up."

"Amen to that," said Lenny, downing the rest of his beer.

-END-


End file.
